People often accuse me of being diplomatic. When asked to judge a certain person, I often tend to describe both the sides of his personality. And in the end, the person who asks me the question, feels unsatisfied with the answer . What they, in reality expect me is to take a side – Black or white. But, I don’t. My opinions are often grey which confuses them and they end up gossiping behind me, also at times thinking me as untrustworthy.
Ask an average Indian what he thinks about Pakistan and he will bring on the entire list of why he hates Pakistan. They think of the country as being a devil. I don’t think Pakistan is a bad country but, I do condemn it’s activities. I will often end up hating the terrorist activities of the country and appreciating their music (By the way, Pakistani Coke Studio is much better than Indian one). Its not that they are better than us in terms of music but, there’s something different about Sufi music and talent all of the artists possess. Where’s’ the thing called ‘Bad Country’?
Have you heard of unconditional hatred? Ok you have not! Then have you heard of unconditional love? Both are the extreme ends of emotions.
At times it happens when friends tell you that you should separate from your current boyfriend because, he is abusive, you somehow convince yourself that your friends don’t know what they are saying.
Then you will start recollecting all the ‘forgiveness’ quotes and ‘unconditional love’ you saw in novels and movies and think applying them in your relationship. Your friends again say that your boyfriend is mentally unstable. But, in fact you tell yourself that this is the time when you should be with him despite being beaten and your hair pulled. What the fuck?
And,what about the unconditional hatred? – No matter what that person did any good, your hatred for him or her is unconditional. Think about that office colleague you hate. No matter what, you will hate that person and find discrepancies in their behavior even if they do any good. You hate them so much that you will try to brainwash the new-comers in the office, into hating them.
Both of these behaviors are worst. These are unhealthy perspectives of looking at any person. And, since I am also a human I too have fallen victim to such behavior. But, I grew out of it. Not that I don’t fall into such lenses of judging a person anymore but, I observe myself and detach from it. I make myself aware when I am making an extreme judgment about a person. The way you judge a person tells a lot about you infact.
So, if someone is all sweet about a person or if someone is all bitter about them, just know that they have fallen victim to the above unhealthy perspectives and you need to judge that person yourself rather than getting brainwashed by such people.
Being diplomatic is being trying to be nice and staying neutral at all costs. When someone asks you an opinion you should always have one. Because, in times when an oppressor oppresses the victim you think it is better to have no opinion instead of giving one. Not giving an opinion is being diplomatic and is equivalent to siding with the oppressor since, not choosing to have a choice is also a choice in the end.
So in the end, when it comes to judgment about people I am pretty straight face about it and not diplomatic. But, who is going to take pains to explain all this to people.
That’s a big realization I had – the moment you start appreciating and criticizing the way a person acts rather than person itself, then that’s a sign that you have out-grown this immature unconditional emotional stuff.