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Discipline versus Motivation and why Motivation is useless

Remember the last time you got angry? How long could you sustain that feeling of being angry? No matter people call you the angriest person on the planet, you will go back to your normal state.

Just like anger, motivation is also a feeling.

Observe yourself when you watch an inspirational movie. Observe that feeling you get, those goosebumps that you feel all over your limbs. It is as if a strong spirit possessed you.

When that feeling enters your body it makes you feel powerful and invincible. You feel as if you can take down any goal in front of you. But, its all momentary.

Its like a rush you get after getting drugged. You feel all god and all better but, when the rush subsides you fall back to normal or sometimes even making you feel worse than before.

Discipline is an action arising from your mind that cuts through all this emotional bullshit. If you have a goal of loosing weight you wake up at 6 in the morning and go to the gym .No.matter.what.Just show up. Even if you are having fever or cramped stomach go to the gym, do light exercises and come back.

Though the workout might not be amazing everytime, it is important that you show up at the gym everyday.

Wanting to start full dieting can demoralise you. Instead, in the first month start with only avoiding anything that has sugar. Then the next month stop eating junk food.

If you have decided to go to the gym just because you watched an inspirational video, believe me, the feeling subsides and you fall back into your old pattern of lazying around. And I don’t need to tell you that. You know it.

With time, the things will seem easy because you are making up a habit for you. When you wake up you brush your teeth without thinking. Heck! You don’t even need to put efforts. You don’t say you don’t feel like brushing today. Exercising will become something of the same.

Just as you can’t remain happy by indulging into a series of high by doing the drugs the entire day. You can’t attain goal by depending on a fleeting feeling.

Discipline can be induced in you by eating small part at a time. If you watch a movie and decide to be millionaire tomorrow, its impractical.

If today you earn 20,000 bucks aim for 21,000 bucks which is pretty easy goal for you, rather than planning to earn 50,000 instantly. Then you can plan for 23,ooo and so on. If you are planning to go to gym start with small. Go only for ten mins but, regularly. Slowly, building habits become easier and you fall into a consistent pattern of doing it effortlessly just like brushing teeth.

Don’t start it today. Start it now. Don’t think about how you will reach that goal- maybe it’s losing weight, becoming rich or anything. Instead think-what habits are needed to reach that goal and start working towards it.

 

Just because you are emotionally sensitive doesn’t mean you are weak

There is a category of people in this world and if you land in this category you will know it. Anything that is being said or done to hurt you, affects you immediately.

You are just like that sensitive radio which picks up music instantly if brought into coverage.

Ofcourse, you won’t cry or show your emotions in front of people.Your face will be stoic and hardened like a rock. But, it will be pretending in the end. You can try to hide it. You can cover your face with fake expressions.You will feel bad about yourself that you are affected so quickly.You will unconsciously tell yourself that you don’t give a shit about what the other says or does.

Really? Look deep inside. Still more inside.

You are afraid to face the deepest person inside you. Because, you know what- You actually give a shit about what the other person said or did. People who don’t care don’t go on telling everyone that they don’t care.

You actually want to express what you felt but, you are afraid the other person will abandon you.You are afraid they will get repulsed because you pick up emotions very easily.

So, you bottle up everything inside. Keep it locked deep inside your chest, until the emotions turn into poison and start affecting you physically and psychologically.

Thats the worst thing about sensitive people. When you see a man or a woman getting affected immediately, you mock him or her, tease them for being so emotionally weak.

You tell him to take back his tears. But, for emotionally sensitive people it’s so hard to hold back tears. It’s a different struggle altogether. You want to vomit but, you have to hold it back just because other’s don’t like it. You are crushed between the social pressure and your mind wanting to express.

Insensitive psychopaths will never understand. How will they ? They lack empathy. They lack the ability to place themselves in other’s shoes and feel things. I am not judging them. There is nothing wrong with them. Let them be. The world needs all types of people.

But, if you are emotionally sensitive just don’t change yourself for the sake of validation. Because, when people tell you, you are weak, they are just implying why aren’t you like them? But, what can you do. You can’t ask a plant why are you sprouting only yellow flowers. It just does. It’s inherent nature.

If you are unaffected by emotions you have a psychopathy element in you. It doesn’t mean you are strong. We all know innumerable people in our life who have been affected deeply. They have let the pain pierced them completely. But, they bounced back. How faster you recover decides your strength and not how deeply emotions affect you.

All the beautiful literature and art originated from emotionally senstive people because,they could explore that another dimension in life. So, it’s only weakness if you don’t recover from it. Else, you are blessed to be emotionally sensitive.

Dealing with “Who am I?”

It’s dangerous if Existential Crises ever happens to you. Existential crises is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of life : whether this life has any meaning or purpose.

If you look at an average life it has a common template: School, College, Job, Marriage, Raise up children, Retire, Die.

But, it so happens that while you are busy doing all the chores in your life, you become distant with yourselves…as to why you are doing all these things. In the end you realize you would die and everything would vanish forever. People will remember you for your deeds for a month or so. These people I am talking about can only be counted on your fingers. Rest would forget you the other day of your funeral itself. Even if they remember you won’t be here to see the honours bestowed upon you.

I can’t explain how torturous feeling is this. For the last few years I had been struggling to find answers to my existential crises. I didn’t feel like doing anything. Motivational books and media failed to motivate me. After all, what is the point of living a life which is point-less?

The search for meaning of life threw me into a greater turmoil. When you are brought up by parents who make you feel special all along the way, it is quite a steep downfall to know that you are not special after all.

I have used religion, isolation and distraction to move away from such questions. I used to watch movies, engage in my work and splurge on food and travel to escape from feeling this emptiness all around. Somehow the feeling never resolved and it would come back . And when it would come back it was scarier than before.

Look down for the answers on internet or other resources, they will recommend you meditation or ask you to find a purpose in your life. But, what can you do about it when you have already realized that life is pointless itself. Once mind expands, it doesn’t go back to its contracted dimensions. Its like going back When people say that we give meaning to life, they indirectly imply that life has no meaning.

The question almost brought me the brink of suicide and total isolation from the world. My ambitions shrunk as I didn’t see any point in that. I would freeze myself and curl up like a prawn in the corner of my room not feeling any interest in the world affairs.

Then one day it dawned upon me while sipping on a cup of coffee. A sudden answer popped. It didn’t answer my question…rather destroyed the question itself.

Now that I have realized my life is pointless, and if I am feeling suicidal because of that, why do I want to throw it away? Why not just embrace whatever it is?

You see the apple in front you. You don’t ask why it is red in color. You don’t ask why such shape. You rather just eat it. That is how you deal with life.

Since, then that void never cropped up. I have realized that even if there is a purpose to life, even if God exists, it will be beyond our human comprehension, atleast as long as I will be alive. And I honestly don’t want to wait till the apple rots.

I find night more beautiful than the day

I personify everything. I see them not through the lens of materialism but, as beings unable to communicate with us.

Day and night are two persons for me. I have really good friendship with the day but, I know I am deeply in love with the night. The night has its own seductiveness, it’s own charm that I hardly see in the day. Day is masculine and the night…feminine.

Day gives me hope. It pushes me away from itself. It says “Go get your ass working. You have to fight for creating your own identity.” Night is distinct. Even if you struggle it will take you inside it. It will comfort you. You will have no other option but, to cave in just as son moves his tired head on to his mother’s lap. The night says “Relax, Nothing is under control. We are all dogs tied to the pole. Don’t think you control everything. We can go only far as long as the rope is.”

The brain is utmost relating to the knowledge from the past during the day. It becomes arithmetic, calculative and extremely rational. During night, imagination takes it’s place. Then we don’t want to believe that fairies, ghosts and werewolves aren’t real. Nothing can amplify your imagination as beautiful as it happens, when you keep staring deep into the dark.

You can bond with people better during night than the day. I don’t remember having nostalgia much from the day experiences. But, spend couple of hours with your friends or your date at night and you will be having a hangover throughout the next day. Nothing bonds people more beautiful than night does.

Every day I am protective… hard on outside, and impenetrable by manipulative people. During night I become vulnerable. Catch your friend or love for company and you will dive into the deepest parts of each other without realizing it. Night always makes you conceive that  every person has two people staying inside the same body.

During the day, life feels limited. The space we live in physically and mentally, feels so restricted that we just want to escape this congestion. Our ego is always at the forefront. Our breath seems shallow. During the night as you stare in the sky embedded with light jewels, we realize we are a part of grand design. Now, the entire ego is lost. But, we love this state. Sometimes we wonder why do we want to identify ourselves when we are invisible in face of universe?

You can’t decorate the day. But, You can decorate the night with lights, fireworks, with fireflies, with lamps of fire and dissolve yourself into the infinite infinity of silence where you realize you are not who you are. That  “Who am I?” was always a wrong question… a question which doesn’t have rational answer but, you know the answer. You live it.

Because, you just uncover what you had always known, that you are here forever even after you leave your physical body.

Your heart is located in your butt

When somebody says the next time, ‘follow your heart’ ask him what he exactly means. Does he mean that you should not avoid eating fries in the Mcdonalds just because your heart craves for it? Or does he mean going back to the ex who always humiliated, but your heart still convinced you that relationship is more important than self-respect?

Does he mean that you should better play the mobile games, scroll the instagram images or sleep for one more hour? Does he mean postponing your goals just because your heart says ‘You better sleep, who knows the world might end tomorrow’.

If you ask me what you should do, I would suggest ‘Never follow your heart’. As far as decision making is concerned, heart misguides you, doesn’t care about your self-respect and succumbs you to unhealthy actions.

Why I am saying something so unconventional when the world is shouting out it’s larynx?

Just because an inspirational video tells you to follow your heart with it’s rampant music giving you all sorts of goosebumps on your body; it isn’t necessarily true. I would say ask your mind too.

Your heart is located in the butt

Oh my heart

Feelings are damn disobedient only for a reason because once the salesman makes you imagine how your neighbor will be jealous seeing your 44” TV with gazillion colors although you know you shouldn’t be giving a fuck to what they think about you, will still go for what the salesman said.

Science says your irrational feelings are 24 times more powerful than your logical mind. And what happens the next day? You undergo remorse. ‘Go with the flow’ they always said . 🙁

Impulsiveness , irrationality and hyper-excited behavior are all the consequences of decisions taken by heart.

Heart is something that is always considered to be in the chest. I am not talking about biological- heart. I am talking about emotional one which movies, poets and novels tend to place it. If heart makes you go so wrong why place it there like the capital of India.

I tell you, our heart is located in our butt. And what do you expect from a butt which only farts and poop? Bad and irrational decisions, right?

Next time when you are struggling on a decision stuck between your heart and mind remember this – who would you consult? Your head which is the crown or your ass which has no work, but to guide you with short term decisions.

And if you still choose your ass, sorry to say you are entirely an ass yourself.

Why you should never idolize love

Note : In this context I am referring to love in male-female relationships

I am not sure what is the highest purpose in your life. But, if you are a person who grew watching Bollywood movies I am sure at the back of mind you carry the belief that ‘Love is all; finding that perfectly shaven guy with power enough to beat the shit out of 50 guys at a time’ Or if you are a boy you want to marry that innocent minded girl with hot body.

These although are exaggerations and we laugh off them, at the back of the mind we do carry feeling that once we find a partner to fall in love with and get lost within, everything will be fine. But, the reality is often not the same.

The reason why people who are single find themselves drowned in constant depth of loneliness is the same . They feel that the other side of the mountain is beautiful. Because movies and novels works on the emotion of ‘love’ the most. Both of them having a major influence on a teen’s mind . They indirectly tell you if you don’t have a partner you shouldn’t be happy. It’s how they sell their content.

If you have ever been in love you must have known how much happy you become when see your partner after a long time. The butterflies in your stomach start to wander and your mind starts acting weird like a monkey hit with Viagra. It’s a mental orgasm as if you are riding above the clouds without a vehicle. The waves of the sea, the coldness of winds and color of flowers, all seems to be so ecstatic.

That’s why people become so poetic when they are in love. Guess what? You will be surprised to learn one of my friends who do drugs explains the same phenomena. Some musicians also do drugs because they find themselves more creative during that period of ‘high’. Many a times they are heartbroken so they get extremely creative due to their mood swings just like Miley Cyrus.

It’s no wonder love is drug induced by nature so it can fulfill it’s eternal objective of reproduction.

The movies and novels capitalize on this one part of love which is extreme happiness and market it in such a manner that we have been conditioned by default that heaven rests in love. No. Heaven and hell both rest in love. And with time the hell starts to take over. Nobody shows the part what happens to them after marriage. No body is going to sell you coke by saying it has lots of sugar content in it which is toxic to your health.

Even today romance novels sell like hot bun. And a person who is writing any other genre is  forced to include romance at least in certain part of his novel because he also knows that is what people want. That is what keeps them engaged. However, you can’t escape the realities of life by falling in love.

Why you should never idolize love

“Why don’t you just love me?”

We never understand that love is an extreme feeling. If you closely observe people who are in love or even yourself if you are in, you will always find yourself in extreme moods. Like extreme happiness, extreme loneliness, extreme sadness etc Take whichever emotion and multiply it by 1000.

This dark part is never highlighted in happy love novels. And the problem with such media conditioning is that we are led to believe directly or indirectly that if you don’t find a partner you are doomed forever. And if that perfect partner you have, leaves you are fucked up anyways. If you are single never overestimate the happiness a couple shows on social networking sites. They too have their own problems, different problems than what you have by being single.

Lots of people idolize the concept of falling in love. They never realize the game which is being slowly played inside our mind by nature. If there is an important message to be delivered to the upcoming generations is to let them know that they should stop ‘Idolizing love’.

Why you should never idolize love

“You are so funny doggy!”

There was a friend of mine who was terribly bored by his job. He needed adventure and so instead of thinking of a job or career change, he pursued a girl thinking he will finally land up eternal happiness. But, that was just a temporary solution like a drug works.

Eternal confidence and successful relationships don’t come from pursuing people but, by pursuing yourself first above all. The need for relationships should never be placed in the first instant.

Those people who don’t face the realities of life often think that they can fix all their problems by falling in love. But, it is not true. That is mere escapism. You need to rely on yourself first than any other person on earth. You need to face the hardships so you can be steeled. If you rely on the other person to such an extent that you expect them to even clean your shit, they are slowly going to detach themselves from you.

Love is not unconditional, unfortunately.

Stop idolizing love. Take the path to self-improvement first. Because when you are doing so, I am sure you will find someone doing the same thing along the same tracks. And what is more beautiful when two people in a relationship are not desperate for each other. That should be the recipe for long term relationships.

You pursue love. It runs away. You pursue money. It runs away. You pursue happiness. It runs away. You pursue yourself; all these things start to pursue you.

Before you shoot guns against me let me tell you -The purpose of this blog is not to tell love is not a part of life, but to tell love is only one part of life. Its not the cake. Its the cherry on the cake.

Start reading books, join a gym, club or learn a new language. Pick up some hobby. And don’t think about love much. Its not like food that you are going to die if you don’t have it.

In fact you won’t think if you have something you can get busy in. Who knows you might be lucky enough to find someone who shares the same along your lines.

Forgetting your past ( Q & A with the reader )

How do you forget your past?

It’s impossible. They are called memories for a reason that they come back to you again and again. It is a part, something which you can’t rip apart from your head. In the end it all boils down to the thing that you have to live with it. You don’t have a choice.

Why is it that the past always consist of bitter memories? Most of the memories make me sad.

We happen to live with happy and sad moments equally. They both happen in proportion. But, our mind will always be less receptive to positive events. Negative events are like bitter lemon seeds in a tasteful biryani. Even if you happen to coincidently chew a couple of them, after your lunch you won’t recollect the spices in biryani. Instead, curse the lemon seeds and think how everything is ruined because of that.

Is that why when I think of past, the first thing that comes into my mind is hurtful memories then?

I told you about the biryani. It’s true.

Why so?

Because ,our mind is wired to sense even small amounts of negativity. Not only sense, it is etched heavily into our memories. That is how our ancestors survived. Nature is not concerned with what you want. It is more concerned about your survival.

You won’t remember the smell of flower you smelled in your childhood. Damn! You don’t even remember its color. You don’t even remember if you smelled it or not? But, remember the hot pan you touched accidently? Your brain can visualize it through all its senses once again.

Enough of science, so there is no solution it seems to forget our past…I think it’s hopeless even to think of one. Nature is a bitch.

I tell you, external Control is an illusion. We can’t control what happens with us. But, our response is perfectly within us. If you happen to play badminton, you know you can’t control what other plays but, you can decide your shots.

It’s true you got to live with your past. You can’t do anything about it. If you try not to think about it, you actually wind up thinking more about it. Just like you can’t come out of mud ditch struggling.

The best response is to forgive your-self first, then the other person. You made a mistake you feel you shouldn’t have but, then who doesn’t? Humans are made to err. Mistakes are ok as long as you learn.

I remember the first response who usually hurt me in the first place was to despise them, curse them like I hate eating ladyfingers. But, once I matured I understood it was useless. You can’t make people act the way you want. Smile back. It’s fine if you don’t want to love them again. But don’t hate them. Stay neutral.

And if they don’t respond fine! Remember you were doing all of this ‘forgiving thing’ for yourself. You feel a lot better irrespective of what their response it. Frankly speaking after forgiving them, myself and learning from the mistakes, IDGAF about their response! Neither I keep on analyzing “ Only if I had done this..”  You simply can’t go through life without making mistakes. And it’s absolutely impossible  So, forgive yourself for the way nature made you.

Try this, do this with an intention not to benefit others but, to benefit yourself first. Remember, moving on is as same as forgiving and letting go.

Disobedience is the greatest virtue

You know what? Nothing is as obedient as a railway train. Because it has to always travel on through the same tracks every day. I enjoy personifying inanimate objects like these. And honestly speaking if train were a person I would find it to be the most boring and repetitive personality.

All it has to look is ahead. Although it can look sideways it cannot involve in the experiences around it. But, thank god it is an inanimate object. Else it would have killed itself just months after such kind of living.

But, the most interesting thing is we aren’t any different from them. When parents and society lay down certain template for you, you start moving along those tracks all through your life. Yes ! the way you travel in life is vertical and not horizontal. You look only ahead and not sideways or up-ways. Because when you live horizontally you are expanding and moving out of your tracks of life. And if you ask me does vertical life go anywhere? Yes it does! To your break-down point.

To move away from such a vertical and linear life, disobedience forms the greatest virtue in your life. How much can you disobey the rules laid down by the life will decide the quality of your life. Because, disobedience is a soil for growing the plant of fulfillment.

Obedience is not a virtue. It’s a sin infact, because the moment you are reaching conclusions and acting without experiencing and thinking for those things, is the moment you are starting to remain stagnant. And stagnant things are ugly. Dirt goes on accumulating on them. Insects breed around them. You start to catch moss. Because then you don’t have to think for yourself.

Believe me, obedience should have been a synonym for blind.

Imagine this. Bullocks are tied against yoke of bullock cart and the owner disciplines them to obey him. Now, this discipline might be injected by means of pain and fear. Or maybe training them to behave in a certain template all throughout the day. But, one day the smartest bull decides to disobey the owner. So, with all his strength he shooks off the yoke and frees himself. The owner on the cart is tumbled and falls down to the ground.

The bull is a free personality now. He can live the way he wants with more creativity and passionately. Of-course freedom comes with a responsibility. He now has to feed himself. He has to protect himself from the carnivores or being again trapped back by another human to plough the field.

But, his attitude of being a rebel doesn’t mind that. Instead of remaining a cattle ploughing through the field all his life he has chosen the responsibility to support and believe himself.

Disobeying someone like your parents or an expertise doesn’t mean disagreeing to each and everything they say. Then you become a mess yourself because now, it is your ego and not the rebel attitude that comes into picture. Think about what they say and then do as you feel which might be in alignment with what they said or the opposite.

Disobeying doesn’t mean that you will be always right. It means to take the whole hearted responsibility of your life. It means you can make mistakes, suffer through pain but, at the same time learn from it. And in the end whosoever you are you are your own creation. Your life is your responsibility and no one else’s.

We always think relying on other’s decision will help you lead a safer and better life.

But, after years when you look back you will understand that you repressed and sold your own spirit and soul for the sake of cattle shed and food for two times a day from your owner.

Following is easy and effortless. You don’t even have to open your eyes. That’s why everyone is doing it including the cattle. The adventurers change the course. They do have to put efforts. They have to be disobedient to the society, to their parents, to the institutions they are governed by.

If there was an instrument for checking the fire burning in each one’s of the adventurer’s soul you would see so much light in them that you would go blind.


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