Note : In this context I am referring to love in male-female relationships
I am not sure what is the highest purpose in your life. But, if you are a person who grew watching Bollywood movies I am sure at the back of mind you carry the belief that ‘Love is all; finding that perfectly shaven guy with power enough to beat the shit out of 50 guys at a time’ Or if you are a boy you want to marry that innocent minded girl with hot body.
These although are exaggerations and we laugh off them, at the back of the mind we do carry feeling that once we find a partner to fall in love with and get lost within, everything will be fine. But, the reality is often not the same.
The reason why people who are single find themselves drowned in constant depth of loneliness is the same . They feel that the other side of the mountain is beautiful. Because movies and novels works on the emotion of ‘love’ the most. Both of them having a major influence on a teen’s mind . They indirectly tell you if you don’t have a partner you shouldn’t be happy. It’s how they sell their content.
If you have ever been in love you must have known how much happy you become when see your partner after a long time. The butterflies in your stomach start to wander and your mind starts acting weird like a monkey hit with Viagra. It’s a mental orgasm as if you are riding above the clouds without a vehicle. The waves of the sea, the coldness of winds and color of flowers, all seems to be so ecstatic.
That’s why people become so poetic when they are in love. Guess what? You will be surprised to learn one of my friends who do drugs explains the same phenomena. Some musicians also do drugs because they find themselves more creative during that period of ‘high’. Many a times they are heartbroken so they get extremely creative due to their mood swings just like Miley Cyrus.
It’s no wonder love is drug induced by nature so it can fulfill it’s eternal objective of reproduction.
The movies and novels capitalize on this one part of love which is extreme happiness and market it in such a manner that we have been conditioned by default that heaven rests in love. No. Heaven and hell both rest in love. And with time the hell starts to take over. Nobody shows the part what happens to them after marriage. No body is going to sell you coke by saying it has lots of sugar content in it which is toxic to your health.
Even today romance novels sell like hot bun. And a person who is writing any other genre is forced to include romance at least in certain part of his novel because he also knows that is what people want. That is what keeps them engaged. However, you can’t escape the realities of life by falling in love.
“Why don’t you just love me?”
We never understand that love is an extreme feeling. If you closely observe people who are in love or even yourself if you are in, you will always find yourself in extreme moods. Like extreme happiness, extreme loneliness, extreme sadness etc Take whichever emotion and multiply it by 1000.
This dark part is never highlighted in happy love novels. And the problem with such media conditioning is that we are led to believe directly or indirectly that if you don’t find a partner you are doomed forever. And if that perfect partner you have, leaves you are fucked up anyways. If you are single never overestimate the happiness a couple shows on social networking sites. They too have their own problems, different problems than what you have by being single.
Lots of people idolize the concept of falling in love. They never realize the game which is being slowly played inside our mind by nature. If there is an important message to be delivered to the upcoming generations is to let them know that they should stop ‘Idolizing love’.
“You are so funny doggy!”
There was a friend of mine who was terribly bored by his job. He needed adventure and so instead of thinking of a job or career change, he pursued a girl thinking he will finally land up eternal happiness. But, that was just a temporary solution like a drug works.
Eternal confidence and successful relationships don’t come from pursuing people but, by pursuing yourself first above all. The need for relationships should never be placed in the first instant.
Those people who don’t face the realities of life often think that they can fix all their problems by falling in love. But, it is not true. That is mere escapism. You need to rely on yourself first than any other person on earth. You need to face the hardships so you can be steeled. If you rely on the other person to such an extent that you expect them to even clean your shit, they are slowly going to detach themselves from you.
Love is not unconditional, unfortunately.
Stop idolizing love. Take the path to self-improvement first. Because when you are doing so, I am sure you will find someone doing the same thing along the same tracks. And what is more beautiful when two people in a relationship are not desperate for each other. That should be the recipe for long term relationships.
You pursue love. It runs away. You pursue money. It runs away. You pursue happiness. It runs away. You pursue yourself; all these things start to pursue you.
Before you shoot guns against me let me tell you -The purpose of this blog is not to tell love is not a part of life, but to tell love is only one part of life. Its not the cake. Its the cherry on the cake.
Start reading books, join a gym, club or learn a new language. Pick up some hobby. And don’t think about love much. Its not like food that you are going to die if you don’t have it.
In fact you won’t think if you have something you can get busy in. Who knows you might be lucky enough to find someone who shares the same along your lines.