“She is a slut.” My friend Mansoor was telling me as he pointed his eyes to the other corridor opposite to our classroom. “Until now she has had more than 8 boyfriends till the last year of the course. One boyfriend for every semester!” He couldn’t control the amount of laughter he had. His forehead muscles stretched his eyebrows so much that it seemed they might just fall down.
Mansoor wasn’t only a friend. He was my best friend.
I was an immature guy who didn’t understand that we immediately trust the judgment of our trusted people blindly. I never knew if what he actually said was even true. But, since I trusted him very closely I blindly accepted to whatever Mansoor said. If he would have been a stranger, I would have thought about it again.
But, we remain undefended to the people we trust. That is the biggest problem with us. In relationships, we blindly accept whatever other says about an unfamiliar person. To mature in relationships is to know that we should be neutral in our judgments.
If you are very afraid of swimming you will tell everyone, never to enter water again. It is dangerous. You will be so much pessimistic about it that you might even force someone not to enter it. They might be weak people like your children.
Since, children trust you they will accept that entering water is fatal. They are denied the most beautiful experience of swimming in deep waters. But, when the same children when they accidentally step into the water somewhere in future they realize that your judgment was wrong and begin to doubt any of your advice.
We happen to experience same about people. If your best friend or parents tell their judgment about a person, a burning hatred comes to your mind against that person. You will avoid him in all sorts and when you talk to that person you won’t be asking yourself, that at least what the person says is true or not.
There is no difference between you and the jihadists who are brainwashed for a biased judgment against a person. You both don’t think by yourselves.
Next time when someone gossips about a person would you be careful enough to introspect yourself? One thing we need to understand before we judge others that we ourselves are not perfect. Secondly, if a person does 100 good things and 1 bad thing we create a complete negative image about that person because that is how our brain is- negatively-wired.
Sit alone at home for the whole day without doing anything. You won’t be thinking positive thoughts about yourself. In fact, at the end of the day you might just want to resort to depression pills. That is why there are millions of books on how to think positive but, not a single book on how not to be over- positive. Because , it never happens. We have to struggle persistently with our will power to remain positive, because positivity doesn’t come naturally.
And since you have understood this thing you might just want to think for yourself or at least research before coming to a judgment about any person.
When someone talks negative about any person in front of me, I generally avoid that conversation or leave the room. Because, there are always chances that what they said about that person might be wrong even if the person is very close to me. Infact in my case, most of the times their judgment about that person has been always proven wrong. You yourself just have to approach the person with neutral judgment and then decide for yourself.
Psychologically, your judgment about the other person reflects your own personality inside them. I can tell a lot of things about a person by the way he judges people.
For me, neutrality is the only way. Since, when at times, someone lies to me I never get angry on that person. He or she wasn’t expected to say the truth always. Ideals never exist. I know before judging others I should be perfect, myself. In fact I too have lied at some point in my life. But, remember when a person continuously lies it is time then you might just want to drop him or her from your life.
That girl, who my friend used to call a slut, works in an NGO for orphans. That day I met her, but before mind crowded with judgments I had realized that everyone should be allowed to live their life without judgments and labels. She wasn’t as what I had expected from the way my friend had described her. In fact she was softer by heart and seemed much caring. The way a person perceives life should be left to his own and there is no business for other people to impose their perception about life.
Everyone has a deeper story which one can tell only through tears in silence. Even you have one. And if someone labels you as someone who is not, can you imagine the agony you will be going through?