Tag Archives: people

Why you can never love yourself.

You need people to validate you; you need people to tell they love you. You want them to touch you and assure you that they are going to keep it like this forever. Its a bitter truth. Because, you can’t survive on self-love.

No matter how much we talk of self-love its all superficial. You go to movies alone. You buy yourself an expensive coffee and think that it’s self-love. Then, you update it on facebook that you are doing this all alone and that living solo is best.

You add hastags like #self_love #solo #fun. This in itself is a indicator that you can’t live without telling people. You want them to hear you out like a girl who thinks she is independent but, deep inside she needs constant pampering.

The current Internet culture stresses too much on self-love which I don’t think is a bad thing. It is good that we take care of our health, we look good, learn guitar. But, it is also true that we feel accomplished once people admire our improvement. In short, if self love is a car, then people’s love is the fuel. You love yourself more when people love you.

We are social animals by instinct. Nature forces us to stay with other people. Because, in groups we have greater chances of survival. And if we isolate ourselves, nature punishes us with depression and psychological traumas. That’s why self-love can never over power the confidence that you gain when people validate you.

It’s okay to treat yourself once in a while. We need our own space too, which is also a part of self-love. But, we can’t continue doing it forever. Look deep inside.Deep down inside. Your mind knows you can’t live alone.

 

The way you judge people tells a lot about you

“She is a slut.” My friend Mansoor was telling me as he pointed his eyes to the other corridor opposite to our classroom. “Until now she has had more than 8 boyfriends till the last year of the course. One boyfriend for every semester!” He couldn’t control the amount of laughter he had. His forehead muscles stretched his eyebrows so much that it seemed they might just fall down.

Mansoor wasn’t only a friend. He was my best friend.

I was an immature guy who didn’t understand that we immediately trust the judgment of our trusted people blindly. I never knew if what he actually said was even true. But, since I trusted him very closely I blindly accepted to whatever Mansoor said. If he would have been a stranger, I would have thought about it again.

But, we remain undefended to the people we trust. That is the biggest problem with us. In relationships, we blindly accept whatever other says about an unfamiliar person. To mature in relationships is to know that we should be neutral in our judgments.

If you are very afraid of swimming you will tell everyone, never to enter water again. It is dangerous. You will be so much pessimistic about it that you might even force someone not to enter it. They might be weak people like your children.

Since, children trust you they will accept that entering water is fatal. They are denied the most beautiful experience of swimming in deep waters. But, when the same children when they accidentally step into the water somewhere in future they realize that your judgment was wrong and begin to doubt any of your advice.

We happen to experience same about people. If your best friend or parents tell their judgment about a person, a burning hatred comes to your mind against that person. You will avoid him in all sorts and when you talk to that person you won’t be asking yourself, that at least what the person says is true or not.

There is no difference between you and the jihadists who are brainwashed for a biased judgment against a person. You both don’t think by yourselves.

Next time when someone gossips about a person would you be careful enough to introspect yourself? One thing we need to understand before we judge others that we ourselves are not perfect. Secondly, if a person does 100 good things and 1 bad thing we create a complete negative image about that person because that is how our brain is- negatively-wired.

Sit alone at home for the whole day without doing anything. You won’t be thinking positive thoughts about yourself. In fact, at the end of the day you might just want to resort to depression pills. That is why there are millions of books on how to think positive but, not a single book on how not to be over- positive. Because , it never happens. We have to struggle persistently with our will power to remain positive, because positivity doesn’t come naturally.

And since you have understood this thing you might just want to think for yourself or at least research before coming to a judgment about any person.

When someone talks negative about any person in front of me, I generally avoid that conversation or leave the room. Because, there are always chances that what they said about that person might be wrong even if the person is very close to me. Infact in my case, most of the times their judgment about that person has been always proven wrong. You yourself just have to approach the person with neutral judgment and then decide for yourself.

Psychologically, your judgment about the other person reflects your own personality inside them. I can tell a lot of things about a person by the way he judges people.

For me, neutrality is the only way. Since, when at times, someone lies to me I never get angry on that person. He or she wasn’t expected to say the truth always. Ideals never exist. I know before judging others I should be perfect, myself. In fact I too have lied at some point in my life. But, remember when a person continuously lies it is time then you might just want to drop him or her from your life.

That girl, who my friend used to call a slut, works in an NGO for orphans. That day I met her, but before mind crowded with judgments I had realized that everyone should be allowed to live their life without judgments and labels. She wasn’t as what I had expected from the way my friend had described her. In fact she was softer by heart and seemed much caring. The way a person perceives life should be left to his own and there is no business for other people to impose their perception about life.

Everyone has a deeper story which one can tell only through tears in silence. Even you have one. And if someone labels you as someone who is not, can you imagine the agony you will be going through?

5 types of people you will meet after graduation

There are five types of people you will meet after your graduation. When you disclose your result they will all respond in different manner. After meeting so many people after graduation , I have figured out some common traits in  people.

 1. Free Advice givers

 If you ever ask me what is the single reason you will want to take someone’s life for? It will be after they give free advice. Wait! I may be sounding very egoistic but, I don’t hate advices, I hate advices from the people who lack experience about anything. They will talk about how to swim in water when they haven’t even dipped their toes in the pool. 

And in India you will never have scarcity of these people. They will sit on the resting chair scratching their pot belly and will advise you to do this thing and that thing.

 “Beta, now do MBA and then your career will fly with colors!” And then innocent youngsters start thinking about a car ,a house at Lokhandwala and a beautiful wife . But, they never know what will be in existence after two years or what passions they wanna pursue.

 May be they have advices based upon experiences too , but because they failed needn’t necessary impose that we will fail. Everyone has their own passions and each one has different way of living. May be their intentions are also good , but they need to note it that the youngster will lose it’s true potential if he doesn’t experiment on his path . It worked for him doesn’t mean it will work out for the other too.

 

Advice givers

Advice givers

 

2.Party hunters

 They have nothing to do with advice. They have least interest even in asking exam score. Upon hearing that we have graduated they jump like a popcorn and don’t settle until a bottle of champagne runs down their throat. They are party hunters. Waiting for this moment they will chase you till the end. Afterwards make sure you don’t reveal them you got a job .Else paying tax will be much inexpensive. And if they get the news from somewhere you better keep your wallet ready.

 

3.Politicians

 I named it so because after they eat your sweet they boast of having contacts with influential people. Then they say that we shouldn’t be tensed about the job and promise that they will quickly land us into one.

 Don’t keep your entire hope from such people. They just blow hot air most of the times. Ideally you will only have to struggle to find a job for yourself and read the classifieds until your eyes prick with pain.

 

4.Whatnext category?

 They just keep asking what you are going to do next?. I suggest find some specific answer and copy paste to all of them.  Not all just ask. Some do really care about you but, some ask for the sake because they can’t think of anything else to ask !

 

5.Well wishers.

 This has been the most comforting category I have found out. They don’t promise you anything. They don’t advice anything. They just wish you best luck for future journey. They support in whatever we choose to do ahead. They never argue upon our quest for they know that life is not meant to be worked out like a machine with a manual. It has no specific path. We all find our own way, our own answers ! They also know the value of freedom. They know that you don’t have to be like others to be successful.

 

 


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