Tag Archives: motivation

Vulnerability

The shell of an oyster is hard. The organism inside is physically fragile. So it keeps the shell tightly closed all the time. But, if the shell opens up, the organism exposes itself. With it’s shell closed, nothing can kill it. But, now anything can kill it. It becomes vulnerable.

We all are psychologically like oysters. Hardened, always on defensive and detached from outcome. But, once in a while you become vulnerable. You come out of the shell – may be for that friend, may be for that special one, for your parents. Because, what joy is there with the shell closed away for everyone?

You let others drive you emotionally.I find it to be superficial when people tell you, you are responsible for your own happiness. No. People to whom we are vulnerable, are responsible for our happiness. But, there is a danger. These people can also drive you mad.

Love is vulnerable. If it is not, then it is not love. Because love follows vulnerability. And people taking advantage of this vulnerability are often described as betrayers and cheaters. They possess the power to make you uncomfortable. And once it happens, you lock down your shell forever. You refuse to come out. Because, emotional wounds don’t heal.

But, even after being hurt there is a sense of content , that you loved fully. Not because you understood the other person, but you understood yourself. The person you love is like a mirror.The more vulnerable you become, the more clearer you can look yourself in the mirror.

We can never see our body completely without mirror.But, what about your soul? The physical mirror doesn’t reflect it. You can only see it, once you become vulnerable. Once you start loving completely and become fully vulnerable, it is only at that point you become that person and that person becomes you. They look for themselves in you and you look for yourself in them. And once that happens, once two circles overlap, you attain ultimate bliss. you have fully accepted the gift of God. The gift of vulnerability.

 

Discipline versus Motivation and why Motivation is useless

Remember the last time you got angry? How long could you sustain that feeling of being angry? No matter people call you the angriest person on the planet, you will go back to your normal state.

Just like anger, motivation is also a feeling.

Observe yourself when you watch an inspirational movie. Observe that feeling you get, those goosebumps that you feel all over your limbs. It is as if a strong spirit possessed you.

When that feeling enters your body it makes you feel powerful and invincible. You feel as if you can take down any goal in front of you. But, its all momentary.

Its like a rush you get after getting drugged. You feel all god and all better but, when the rush subsides you fall back to normal or sometimes even making you feel worse than before.

Discipline is an action arising from your mind that cuts through all this emotional bullshit. If you have a goal of loosing weight you wake up at 6 in the morning and go to the gym .No.matter.what.Just show up. Even if you are having fever or cramped stomach go to the gym, do light exercises and come back.

Though the workout might not be amazing everytime, it is important that you show up at the gym everyday.

Wanting to start full dieting can demoralise you. Instead, in the first month start with only avoiding anything that has sugar. Then the next month stop eating junk food.

If you have decided to go to the gym just because you watched an inspirational video, believe me, the feeling subsides and you fall back into your old pattern of lazying around. And I don’t need to tell you that. You know it.

With time, the things will seem easy because you are making up a habit for you. When you wake up you brush your teeth without thinking. Heck! You don’t even need to put efforts. You don’t say you don’t feel like brushing today. Exercising will become something of the same.

Just as you can’t remain happy by indulging into a series of high by doing the drugs the entire day. You can’t attain goal by depending on a fleeting feeling.

Discipline can be induced in you by eating small part at a time. If you watch a movie and decide to be millionaire tomorrow, its impractical.

If today you earn 20,000 bucks aim for 21,000 bucks which is pretty easy goal for you, rather than planning to earn 50,000 instantly. Then you can plan for 23,ooo and so on. If you are planning to go to gym start with small. Go only for ten mins but, regularly. Slowly, building habits become easier and you fall into a consistent pattern of doing it effortlessly just like brushing teeth.

Don’t start it today. Start it now. Don’t think about how you will reach that goal- maybe it’s losing weight, becoming rich or anything. Instead think-what habits are needed to reach that goal and start working towards it.

 

Compatibility doesn’t matter in relationships

It does not matter how much compatible you are with your partner. What actually matters is how you can manage those differences between you.

When people say that they are with their partner because they share same values,habits and behaviors they are assuming that their values,habits and behavior will remain same in time to come.

How will such relationships survive if they are depending on compatibility?

The way a person perceives the entire world; the way person behaves, changes a lot with time.Look at the person in the mirror. Look who he is now and then look who he was 5 years ago.

Don’t you see a drastic difference? When I look back in my past I don’t see myself… I see another person in younger body. What I was back then, is gone. Today my outlook has morphed and matured to a different level. Habits, values and perception have changed so drastically.

I don’t know about tomorrow. But, all I can tell is that, I will be definitely someone very different than who I am today. And at the rate at which I am changing I guess, I will be needing a new partner every six months if I rely on compatibility.

Compatibility is a temporary state and therefore, a weak foundation to built your relationship upon. Instead, I have realised, learning to manage differences is much more important.

Accepting the person the way he or she is, is more important. You can be from different planets all together, she must be liking to eat insects and you might be liking to eat rubber but, yet you can be together if you can manage and respect your differences. Compatibility will never be an issue.

But, if you can’t manage differences, upon slight change in compatibility, you will doubt whether you both have a future or not.

 

High standard of living vs good quality of life

I once heard a story of a rich man who was in his thirties. He possessed everything a man could have- a big house in a high profile area, a luxury car and rolex watch. And he wanted more.

Once, it happened that he got into a verbal fight with a beggar who would regularly sit outside his house. He didn’t like that. So, the rich man decided to show him his place and mock him of his poverty.

The beggar,finally frustrated with the argument then pointed out “What is the use of your wealth, if your wife sleeps with your driver?” The rich man was taken aback.He was busy earning wealth,travelling places and working long hours, that he had no time for his family.

Since, beggar had no work to do the entire day, when the rich man would leave for work or would remain absent, he would often see the rich man’s wife going naughty with the driver.

This might be a good example of  high standard of living but a poor quality of life. If you don’t have your relations in place. If you don’t have time for yourself. If you can’t take out time for your hobbies, what is the use of gold brick in your locker. You become a decorated vessel but, all empty inside that makes  a hollow sound.

Does it mean a high standard of living doesn’t make any sense?

A ‘good quality of life’ is like a burger and ‘high standard of living’ is like a ketchup sauce. You can eat the burger without a sauce. It’s not compulsory. But, you can’t just eat the sauce alone(I am saying this assuming you are a normal human being) .

Learning to create a good quality of life is much more important than a high standard of living. Much important as a foundation upon which you build a house. 

If you don’t have good friends you can trust , if you have a wrecked family, if you can’t take out time for yourself, if you are constantly stressed, maybe you need to fall back and ask whatever you are doing makes any sense or not? 

A ‘high standard of living’ will always compliment your life like a sauce to burger. It can never be a whole-and-sole being of your life. Once, that you have the burger, you are ready to try different flavors of sauces.

Dealing with “Who am I?”

It’s dangerous if Existential Crises ever happens to you. Existential crises is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of life : whether this life has any meaning or purpose.

If you look at an average life it has a common template: School, College, Job, Marriage, Raise up children, Retire, Die.

But, it so happens that while you are busy doing all the chores in your life, you become distant with yourselves…as to why you are doing all these things. In the end you realize you would die and everything would vanish forever. People will remember you for your deeds for a month or so. These people I am talking about can only be counted on your fingers. Rest would forget you the other day of your funeral itself. Even if they remember you won’t be here to see the honours bestowed upon you.

I can’t explain how torturous feeling is this. For the last few years I had been struggling to find answers to my existential crises. I didn’t feel like doing anything. Motivational books and media failed to motivate me. After all, what is the point of living a life which is point-less?

The search for meaning of life threw me into a greater turmoil. When you are brought up by parents who make you feel special all along the way, it is quite a steep downfall to know that you are not special after all.

I have used religion, isolation and distraction to move away from such questions. I used to watch movies, engage in my work and splurge on food and travel to escape from feeling this emptiness all around. Somehow the feeling never resolved and it would come back . And when it would come back it was scarier than before.

Look down for the answers on internet or other resources, they will recommend you meditation or ask you to find a purpose in your life. But, what can you do about it when you have already realized that life is pointless itself. Once mind expands, it doesn’t go back to its contracted dimensions. Its like going back When people say that we give meaning to life, they indirectly imply that life has no meaning.

The question almost brought me the brink of suicide and total isolation from the world. My ambitions shrunk as I didn’t see any point in that. I would freeze myself and curl up like a prawn in the corner of my room not feeling any interest in the world affairs.

Then one day it dawned upon me while sipping on a cup of coffee. A sudden answer popped. It didn’t answer my question…rather destroyed the question itself.

Now that I have realized my life is pointless, and if I am feeling suicidal because of that, why do I want to throw it away? Why not just embrace whatever it is?

You see the apple in front you. You don’t ask why it is red in color. You don’t ask why such shape. You rather just eat it. That is how you deal with life.

Since, then that void never cropped up. I have realized that even if there is a purpose to life, even if God exists, it will be beyond our human comprehension, atleast as long as I will be alive. And I honestly don’t want to wait till the apple rots.

Taking things for granted…including people

Few months ago I bought a new phone. The phone had a superior configuration. What a day it was!

I remember unboxing it slowly as I wrapped the back of the phone in a bubble bag and took it in my hand making sure I don’t damage it. I was like a mother holding her new-born baby.

Months later, you could see I am throwing it away on the bed like it’s some cheap device. I remove its metal case recklessly without caring whether I am scratching its body or not. I give it to the kids who play war games as they drool over my phone’s entire screen. Sometimes my phone falls on the floor but, seconds later I am as happy as I was moments before.

Then one day, my phone got stolen.

That entire one week, I was in the absence of my phone. It’s true when one says ‘Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones, because regret is stronger than the gratitude.’

I had underestimated how much pain I will go through after the loss of my device. I alwayshad  thought ‘What’s the big deal? I know it’s not going anywhere.’ I had this notion that time is infinite and so are the things that stay with you. But, that week I realized how hard it is live without it.

But, not only is this limited to the gadgets. We also tend to take our people for granted. We treat objects and people as same. It’s natural tendency of human being.

We think our parents are here forever since they are always available. So, we tend to ignore their needs and instead opt for laziness because, things available to us go into our background.

The only way to love anything is to know that it could be lost.

When your parents tend to call you out of care, you seem to ignore them. The greatest regret a person has when their parents die, is that they didn’t pay enough attention to their needs. Why?

Why is it that when your lover leaves you, he or she suddenly starts to appear super-hot?

You are a human. You will take things for granted. It’s natural. Can you hear that ceiling fan’s noise? You heard it when I just told you. But, all this time you were deaf to it. The things which are already there will go into your background.

Its essential to practice gratitude. As I said, the only thing to love anything is to know it could be lost…forever.

A week later my parents bought me a new phone. I was happy. Gadgets are replaceable. But, people?

Mental Paralysis

At times, during some moments in your life you become so weak,you break down. If feels like a mental paralysis.Nothing goes as per expectations.

You always wanted to open a restaurant or become an author. You always wanted to marry the person who you loved but, that person slowly fell out of love. You always wanted to bathe in fountain of money but, earning even one percent of it isn’t that easy. You always wanted to be in control of your life.

The moments become bleak. Like you were thrown onto a planet with a hostile atmosphere. The roaring thunder striking fear into your heart. Darkness all around as the dark clouds engulf whatever sun shine is left. Your brain numbed by these unusual experiences. How worse can it get? You go into a mental paralysis. You break down and go into state of inactivity.

Mental paralysis occurs when you receive a sudden setback. Life suddenly throws a puzzle on your face and you feel like there is no way out. You give up and go in a state of inactivity.

But, whatever happens in your life, keep moving. Even if you are moving like a dead fish brought on to the surface and is almost on the verge of death, it’s still commendable. Seen that fish as it dies? It wiggles it’s tail, inhales and exhales rapidly through his gills.

Even if you move this much, it’s fine but, do it. If you are lost in the desert you won’t stop at a place thinking you are lost. Because, if you move even if in any direction though, you at least have a chance to reach somewhere.

 

But, just in this case you won’t die. That phase is like a storm. You need to do nothing but, just hold on. Nobody ever died because of a job failure or a broken heart. They died because they went into a state of inactivity thereafter and took a conscious decision to kill themselves.

Always wanted to be an artist but, job taking up your time? Paint! Even if it is for a moment. Move like that dead fish. Sing ! Even if it is for a moment. Move like that fish. Broke up? Don’t go into a state of inactivity. Move like that dead fish. Dreams yet not accomplished? Don’t stop even if you are old as 60. Move like that fish.

So, when the weather gets dark and there is no hope. Keep the ship sailing.Even if it is in any direction. Don’t stop, for stopping is the sign of death.

Becoming outcome independent

I turned 24, this February. The years 23 and 24 are pushing me through metamorphosis. By reading, you gain knowledge, by experiencing you gain wisdom. The more wisdom you gain, your perspective becomes different towards life. So much happened in past few years .Though physically I am still young, I feel like a 50 year old inside. The experiences transformed me.

I had few plans in my life back then, as to what I would do, who I would be with when I would be 24 and 25 but, the fact that the reality is unexpectedly different than what I had thought it to be.

And if you ask me if the transformation is good or bad, I did rather keep mum and be neutral about the circumstances I am going through. I can’t describe how my life is. It just is. Becoming non-judgmental about circumstances is one of the pieces of wisdom I ingrained during my experiences.

Something similar I learnt, is to be out-come independent. You do things for the sake of passion and love. If you put certain expectations from it and if it doesn’t turn out to be real,the fall from the top is real hard.

Of course, now people are going to tell me I am a coward to run away from this fall. They will say “You will learn only when you fall” and whatnot. But, you need to understand that when you put million expectations from life and life fulfills only a couple of them, the chances are you are going to fall again and again.

And for how long are you going to do this? You are a human in the end. You are a mortal. You have a limit to everything – your willpower, your resistance to negativity, your mental strength. There comes a point when you are no more elastic and then you break down. Those who say that this isn’t true for them, are lying or either they are not human.

You can carry a certain amount of weight as a human. But ,no matter how strong you are you are going to be crushed when an elephant walks over you.

Being outcome independent can help you to manage your fall. You do things for the sake of doing because you love it.

Think about it in terms of career. If you are doing something just because you love to do it in the present, then you don’t care about anything. Then who cares about the future, the past? When the present is so beautiful. Success becomes a side effect of it.

Think about it in terms of love. If you love someone in the present, then why worry about past and future. Just love. Ultimately future is nothing but, succession of all the present time you are spending together. Then marriage becomes a side effect.

Of course there is also a chance that success might not happen, the marriage might not happen. But, you never wasted that time together with your love, with your work. It was worth every second.

I have realized – Stay wherever you are. Don’t drift. Focus on your breath. When was the last time you felt the air through your nostrils? You were busy focused at the outcome, to look at the next thing which may or may not happen.

The world is huge and massive and with so many complicated variables affecting your life. You are planning your life on a couple of variables. Tomorrow you might become a person who wins a lottery or you might be someone who gets killed in a car accident and then after few days people forget all about you. In either case you had no control over things.

Think about this. If you are not today who you had planned yourself to be five years ago… you won’t be this person after five years( or may be no more alive).

Priorities will change, perspective towards life will change, your philosophy towards life will change, what matters to you most… will change, people in your life will change. But , one thing will remain same- doing what you love in the present.

And when the life ends, you will look at it like a collection of short stories in succession, beautifully woven like a necklace. And that necklace will be the most beautiful ornament you will be wearing when you bid adieu to this world.


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