Tag Archives: Happiness

Discipline versus Motivation and why Motivation is useless

Remember the last time you got angry? How long could you sustain that feeling of being angry? No matter people call you the angriest person on the planet, you will go back to your normal state.

Just like anger, motivation is also a feeling.

Observe yourself when you watch an inspirational movie. Observe that feeling you get, those goosebumps that you feel all over your limbs. It is as if a strong spirit possessed you.

When that feeling enters your body it makes you feel powerful and invincible. You feel as if you can take down any goal in front of you. But, its all momentary.

Its like a rush you get after getting drugged. You feel all god and all better but, when the rush subsides you fall back to normal or sometimes even making you feel worse than before.

Discipline is an action arising from your mind that cuts through all this emotional bullshit. If you have a goal of loosing weight you wake up at 6 in the morning and go to the gym .No.matter.what.Just show up. Even if you are having fever or cramped stomach go to the gym, do light exercises and come back.

Though the workout might not be amazing everytime, it is important that you show up at the gym everyday.

Wanting to start full dieting can demoralise you. Instead, in the first month start with only avoiding anything that has sugar. Then the next month stop eating junk food.

If you have decided to go to the gym just because you watched an inspirational video, believe me, the feeling subsides and you fall back into your old pattern of lazying around. And I don’t need to tell you that. You know it.

With time, the things will seem easy because you are making up a habit for you. When you wake up you brush your teeth without thinking. Heck! You don’t even need to put efforts. You don’t say you don’t feel like brushing today. Exercising will become something of the same.

Just as you can’t remain happy by indulging into a series of high by doing the drugs the entire day. You can’t attain goal by depending on a fleeting feeling.

Discipline can be induced in you by eating small part at a time. If you watch a movie and decide to be millionaire tomorrow, its impractical.

If today you earn 20,000 bucks aim for 21,000 bucks which is pretty easy goal for you, rather than planning to earn 50,000 instantly. Then you can plan for 23,ooo and so on. If you are planning to go to gym start with small. Go only for ten mins but, regularly. Slowly, building habits become easier and you fall into a consistent pattern of doing it effortlessly just like brushing teeth.

Don’t start it today. Start it now. Don’t think about how you will reach that goal- maybe it’s losing weight, becoming rich or anything. Instead think-what habits are needed to reach that goal and start working towards it.

 

Easy money and happiness

There comes a time in my life where I get so frustrated with the struggles that I clearly wish for a shortcut. Struggling physically and mentally to accommodate financial needs becomes tedious and you have to literally crack open your brain to think of ways to hustle money.

I wonder how lucky are those who don’t have to go through the hustle and bustle we average people go through.

We all take the stairs filled with hurdles, mud and insects. While the guys who inherit the wealth, the ones who get their needs fulfilled easily catch a clean escalator to the top.

How does it feel to be multi-millionaire by inheriting everything and you didn’t even work for it? How does it feel to not struggle and reach the top?

Let’s see what it feels to be rich without dropping a sweat.

Playing video games is always a struggle. There is a challenge which you encounter, learn from your mistakes and then implement your strategies to take over. Then you move on to the next level.

But, then I got tired of it and decided to use cheat codes. I got unlimited money, guns and gems. Now, that was something that I inherited without struggling.

The result- I did enjoy flying cars, driving tanks and punching the police. But, the fact is, it was very short lived. The game was no longer a challenge since, I used a tank to blow any person that I could I have easily killed with a pistol.

I had everything I ever wanted. But, the game felt aimless and I felt like a ruminating psycho animal fooling around the city. The enjoyment and fulfillment I once derived from the game diminished every day.

Within a week after unlocking the unlimited access, I got bored and decided to uninstall it. I deleted that game from the computer since, I simply happened to go nowhere.

I remembered the time before when I was gradually and slowly completing each levels of video game.

I am sure the people who inherit wealth feel similar to what I felt after I entered the cheat codes.

Whatever money I earned by doing some work e.g.  Becoming someone’s assassin or stealing a car was less compared to what millions I inherited afterwards but, the struggle to improve myself kept me engaged and happy. Isn’t that against the equation of ‘More money, more happiness?’

Yes, it is.

Is that a bad news for the people who inherit wealth? Yes and No. Yes, if their equation is “No work= happiness”. But, good news for those who despite of whatsoever whether, they inherit wealth or not continue growing.

Summary:

Happiness doesn’t come from being a bad position or good position. It comes from not being stuck in either of the position. Stagnancy in any of the stages of life- rich or poor ,old or young will result into misery. Movement, Novelty and growth in life are leading factors of happiness.

Your mind is the greatest manipulator of your life

I really wonder why would a person kill someone for just Rs.3000 (50 $). When I heard the news I was shocked. That isn’t a big figure. Why take someone’s life for such a small amount?

Then I realized there is something more to life than just numbers. Life is nothing more but, a mind game. That amount is worth more for that person than us.

It was only after I entered the 20s I realized what the ancient sages have been saying “That world is an illusion”. We are thinking that we are fighting against the life, but in actuality the fight is with our mind itself.

Because mind itself is a hungry beast struggling to fill it’s indefinite void. But, it will never settle. It loves chasing things. And when you have finally pursued that thing, your mind will rest momentarily. Then it starts fantasizing the other side of mountain. The discontentment is always there. So think about it. Is that temporary rest worth after all? How does that make you any different from the guy who killed for 50 $?

When one of my friend was dumped by his girlfriend, he was broken to tears. The only thing he did was stay away from that girl and move on with his life. Brave boy! I admire him. He didn’t show any signs of desperation of getting back with her. It was after 8 months, his ex realized that she had lost someone really precious.

In his absence only, she could realize she really lost someone who deeply loved her. And as usual the tables turned. She got back with full desperation, pleading and begging. However, he held on tightly to his self-respect and didn’t go back to her.

When Einstein said that everything around us is relative, he was actually speaking the ultimate truth. Our minds are constantly in state of comparison. Many friends, who stay away from home, all tell me the same thing – there is nothing as sweet as home, where you can go back to being careless and don’t have to worry about your hunger.

Those who stay at home are willing to move out, thinking that moving out will make them happy. Who is saying the truth? All becomes relative. I heard someone saying “When I am hungry the reason to be unhappy is only one, but when it’s fulfilled then the reasons to be unhappy are many”.

There are times when we visit a remote village and wonder how difficult it must be for them to live in a house made of thatched roof and mud. How are they able to survive without a wireless router? They don’t shop and can’t order a burger. But, their perception of reality is different. They have different reference points than what we possess. So, relatively they are happy just like us if not more than us.

No matter why we sympathize for the handicap but, if you really stay with them for sometime they are not dependent on you for their joy. They live in a different world.

When you are studying mechanical engineering where there are a couple of girls in comparison to 50 boys in the same classroom, naturally, all boys are going to hit on these girls. But, their beauty is not making them beautiful but, the competition and scarcity is.

Why a woman expects that there should be a long queue of boys desperate to get into a relationship with her? Because ,that is what boosts her self-esteem. This competition makes her appear more beautiful. Just like actresses appear most beautiful, but in actuality almost all boys have faced the truth – the young girl who stays in your neighborhood is far more prettier than she is.

The happiness which we frequently talk about is nothing but relativity. The point of reference determines how the reality is going to get distorted. You can change the way people perceive you if you are capable of distorting reality through relativity.

When one of my friend freaked out and came crying to me I asked him why is he crying. He said “I came second in the class!” For the first time I realized I can laugh and cry at the same time.

What are you exactly chasing in life- A short story

Ravish was a 32 year old guy who working in a corporate IT sector. He had always kept one purpose in his mind that he will find all the happiness in the world. He had chosen the materialistic path. Every month when his mobile would notify that salary has been credited to his account, his joy knew know bounds.

This happened every year. However, he was getting used to this pattern. He would still get happy but, he would yearn for more. That would resume him back to the discontent mind. Why not should he? Growth is necessity of life.

Later he understood that life wasn’t turning out even after earning an income of more than 60,000 per month. He wanted more. He was yet to land on the island of happiness he had imagined 8 years ago.

Someone suggested that he needs family to share his wealth, so that he could fill out the void inside him. So, he got married the very next year. His joy knew no bounds. The joy subsided after a year. Later he had a cute daughter name Sara. Again the joy of being a father but, even that subsided quickly like a burning matchstick in the wind.

He was yet to land on that island of happiness. He found happiness in growth but, it was nothing like ‘happily-ever-after’. The discontentment inside his mind was in fact deeper than he had 8 years ago.

Luckily, a time came when he took a long vacation to the Malaysian countryside. The countryside was as beautiful as heaven with totally remote location away from the city. There was no network signal. They never breathe such fresh air before. The night, when he saw was full of stars, deeper than an ocean.

Although, it was one of the best experience ever, he knew the feeling would subside soon. He was very much disappointed with this fact and his dream of eternal happiness was becoming a mirage he was forever chasing.

During the last day of his vacation he met an old man who was just as relaxed as he was. Ravish had thought he had already acquainted himself with the nature. He thought of meeting this man while his wife was busy packing up everything.

The veranda was made up of simple thatched roof. The house had nothing but, green fields behind his cottage.

“Hello Sir, how are you? I am from India and absolutely loved your country !” Ravish spoke with utmost politeness.

The old man was bald with a complete white mustache and a cat sleeping comfortably on his lap. His dress was woven but, simple and clean. He lost himself in the conversation not knowing that he had opened up so much about himself to the old man.

The old man helped him find the island of happiness.

Years later he got badly bruised in a car accident. But, he knew he had an important message to share with his daughter who was now in her teens. Before the last hour of his death he called for his daughter and asked for privacy.

He fumbled as he strained his neck to take a last look at his daughter. She was sobbing inside her heart. Although, her tears didn’t show up Ravish knew his daughter was holding all of the pain behind her eyes. She was just trying to make his death easy. Her eyes swelled red as she turned to hear what her father had to say.

“Dear, I wanted to tell you this from a long time. But was waiting for you to grow up fully .But, I guess  despite, you being 20 I still feel you are baby for me” he smiled with effort.

Sara held his hand tight as more tears welled up in her eyes.

“Sara, you are now almost ready to move into the world. Believe me it isn’t as you had been living with us. We were the shell covers for you from the harsh world outside.  Soon, you will have to deal with it as you graduate. The enemies who make us miserable are no one but, only us.” He spoke as he coughed.

The coughing caused deep pain in his ribs as he changed his posture to speak.

“Years ago, when you were very small we had gone to Malaysian country side.  For all these years I had been searching the island of happiness but, never got it. I never got the secret to unearth it, until I came across an old man who I didn’t know was one of the richest people in Malaysia until we were talking and a Mercedes parked outside his simple cottage.”

Sara was lost with her imagination in his explanation. Ravish continued “He told me something that I will never forget. I have a diary that I have hidden under the bed. Search for the day when we had gone for that Malaysian trip. It is one of the treasures of my life I always wanted to share.”

Ravish breathed his last a couple of days later. Sara and her mother had a difficult time to go through when he breathe his last. All that Sara did before retiring to bed was cry, until she could cry no more.

One night the thought of diary clicked her as she went into her father’s room. Her mother had gone to work and she was busy with her last semester exams. She was slowly recovering from her father’s demise.

She looked under the bed as she opened up the small compartment below. It was his diary of 18 years ago. When she opened the pages of the book, it felt as if her father opened his eyes smiling back at her .There were many memories written including when Sara first learnt to walk.

She opened up a bookmark named ‘Malaysia trip’ and as she surfed along she found the dairy page. It was written.

 

 

“Hello diary,

I guess the search for happiness in my life ends here today. The world will be never be the same again. And I can now rest. This old man changed me forever. I will summarize it down here so I can recollect it back whenever I want.

‘All these years I have been mistaken with the definition of happiness. Whatever I have been doing all these years was never chasing happiness but, chasing pleasure. I failed to understand the difference between these two things.

Pleasure is external. We are all in pursuit of it. But, we are thinking we are chasing happiness. So, one day we  become successful and relish the pleasure of being one. Before, achieving it you were thinking that it is a ‘happily-ever-after’ story. But, you were deceived and it lasted for a very short time. It might be even a couple of months, for the decade of hard work.

It becomes a custom, monotony and you start getting bored. So, you become miserable and start yearning for more success. So you spent more years of hard work and sacrifice to ensure a greater success. Because, now you are thinking – ‘Just this last time’ and then it is a ‘happily-ever-after’ story. But, the cycle continues and you are proven false again.

The so-called ‘success’ trend driven society is just another form of pleasure. There are ups and downs so you get disappointed because the problems didn’t get over. They just changed when you created a new lifestyle for yourself. You are again miserable.

Happiness is internal. The island of happiness was never needed to be searched. The old man said it right. Instead of looking externally I had to look internally. It was always there.

Money, relationships, food, drugs and success we achieve, create short term flame which we mistaken it as happiness. But, really speaking it is a flame of pleasure.

But, happiness is like an internal flame which can stay alive as long as our heart beats.

Of course, who says pleasure shouldn’t be achieved because growth is the way of life. And stagnant water breeds pests. Keep running and keep achieving this form of pleasure. I highly encourage that.

But, don’t confuse happiness with it. It is something you can always choose to be in any condition. It will always be with you as your birthright wherever you are and how much ever imperfect life you are living. So don’t feel disappointed that you just lost a chance to be happy. I think this is what the island of happiness the old man was talking about! 🙂  ”

Sara closed the diary and lost herself into the words her father had written. She had to choose to be happy. She read those words again. It really felt as if her father was talking to her. She hadn’t realized, a tear drop from her eyes had already fallen on the smiley, he had drawn at the end of the words.

Dealing with the miserable people

If you are the person who constantly cribs and complains about his/her life throughout each and every moment then you are ‘miserable’

C’mon now who doesn’t like helping people who are in difficulty? I myself do. And when that person feels better because of your support it is quite fulfilling. This is how the world stands- on each other’s shoulder.

But, when you encounter a miserable don’t make the mistake of going near him. They are kind of people who are stuck in a pit. They constantly wail about their present situation. They won’t help you. When you give your hand, they will pull you with them into the pit.

These people only end up making a lot of business for the counseling psychologists.

There is a limit up to which you can help any person out of his misery. In the end if the person himself doesn’t wish then, no matter what you say, he won’t comprehend it. How much ever you try to motivate him, he will be deaf to your words. And in the end you end up being a miserable too.

The only help you can do is not to help them at all. If they are cut-off from all the sources of sympathy, they will learn to stand up for themselves. They simply love the sympathy they get from the surrounding people. And this attention seeking nature becomes the main reason for them to grumble for every single reason.

Have you seen a child constantly crying for no reason? When his parents come to his rescue, take him in his hug and try to distract him with their pampering voice he feels better. This ‘good-feeling’ he gets from pampering is somewhat addictive and he wants it all the day long. Guess what? He cries for a small or no reason.

But, when no one pays attention to such a child when he cries constantly, he immediately gets the message and stops.

This behavior is not very different from the adult category of miserable you see around. And as I said before, the only thing you can do to help them is not to help them at all.

Dealing with the Miserable

Dealing with the Miserable

Just as a coin can’t exist without two sides, life can’t exist without both happiness and misery. You can’t feel the night without the day.  They are complement to each other.. So, wherever you are and whoever you are, bad phases never leave you. Life balances both the sides. If you solve one problem another arises. Life is dual in nature.

If you come across someone who needs your support give it to them. They need it. The best people are those who will climb out of the pit with the others help. They help themselves and any kind of support from others acts as fuel to lift them up.

In case of the miserable, you will exhaust yourself completely only to find yourself in the depression pit with them. They constantly complain about their relationships, messed up career, less time and feeling unloved. They will not only drain you but, will infect you and make you feel bad about yourselves.

And if that person is your spouse then good luck with that !

When I talk about the miserable I don’t only mean the other person. I am talking about the one residing inside you too. We ourselves turn into a soft ball and pity ourselves turning into a less self-esteemed person. We constantly jabber with the day to day complaints and daily stress.

Guess what? The world is not divided into the happy and sad people. Everyone has equal amount of happiness and misery in whatever state they are. You will see a happy poor man and at the same time, a sad rich person too.

So, smile and lighten up a bit if you find yourself in misery. And yes, there is no market for your negative emotions in the world. So if you find yourself in one of them, be quick to come out of it soon. If someone helps you use that force to pull yourself out of it. The world has a lot of less patience when it comes to helping others.

The world is attracted to those who laugh and smile. Have you ever loved the company of those who always cried? 🙂

What is Happiness?

It was a dark evening. With dried leaves under my feet, they made crackling sound and I absolutely loved it. I was walking on a silent road with my 7 year old cousin sister, who held my hand tight with little fingers. We weren’t speaking a lot but, she enjoyed on her own.

The most important attribute, I appreciate in a child is ‘ability to be happy even if alone’ and ‘curiosity’ . I feel sorry for the child because, soon she will grow up. One day she will give up protecting these natural attributes because the intensity at which society conditions the child by use of tool called fear, is simply too strong. Especially, when her parents too, are a part of such society.

She looked straight into my eyes. As she spoke I saw my reflection in her deep eyes. She asked “Dada, what is happiness? If we can feel it why can’t we see it?”

If you ask the child any question, his answer won’t be that mature. But, their questions are definitely philosophical at times for their age.

She had turned on a wheel in my brain. I have been reading about happiness from my childhood. There have been so many definitions. I was confused how to answer her. I promised her that I will tell her by evening because what use is my master’s degree if I can’t tell a child an answer she won’t understand. I wanted to simplify the concept.

As we turned around to walk home, the dried leaves made crackling sounds. The sun was almost hidden behind the horizon. The birds chirped last, before they went to sleep in their nests. But, I couldn’t see or feel any of these things as I was not present there with my sister. I was in my third world… where I am alone with my thoughts.

You don’t have to be a millionaire in order to be happy. Once during a tormenting summer trek, we had finished all of our water bottles while ascending. As we had started descending, it was afternoon around three pm. We controlled our thirsts as much as we can. The heat was intolerable.

We were almost running down the mountain so as we could get to water source at the base as quick as we can. But, we were halfway down the mountain and we had lost the route. It was frustrating and felt like nothing can be as worse as this situation. Somehow we tracked the correct route.

Once we reached the base we filled up the bottles like a starving dog feeds on food. We stuck those bottles down our throat. When the first sip of water touched our mouth you know what we felt?- Happiness.

We weren’t millionaires that time. But, yes we were million times happy. That moment wasn’t  different from a buisness person who just won a huge profit. It is the same feeling because in both the  cases happiness is release of the happy hormones. Body doesn’t release different chemicals of happiness for different situations.

What are you thinking? After a certain age, after a certain period when you will have done all the hard work and accumulated money, happiness abounds? What we felt at the trek, the happiness was as same as a rich person who just won a million dollar deal. As same as the person who gives a winning speech on stage. As same as a person who just reached the Mount Everest.

Happiness is a contrast feeling between two situations.

Why the hell in the world is everyone racing only for money? If money makes you happy then happiness is reserved only for the rich. It is true, money is a medium of exchange. But, when you make it the only source for happiness for you, what is going to happen?

Once I met a very rich man. He was talking to me.

“Amit, you know what my income is more than fifty million per year. I always thought money is all the happiness.  But, one day the definition changed completely for me.”

I was listening intently as he continued. “I had taken my little daughter in a fun fair. I always want to keep her grounded, so I generally take her to such places where she could be with common people. A rush entered from the gate which brought in all of tourists and passed pushing us.But, then  I was numbed when I couldn’t feel my daughter’s hand. She was lost. ”

He tried to hide his tears, as he felt his eyes heavy. “I lost everything in a moment. I had so much of wealth, but it was of no use to make me happy at that moment. I tried searching her but, she was nowhere to be found”

“My fingers shivered as I looked into the phone and ordered my car driver to rush at the spot. I felt tied up from inside. As we both searched for her, I saw her sitting near the candy shop silently waiting for her papa to come. She had held her knees close to her chest as she rubbed her eyes on her tiny frock”

“I cried as I stumbled and ran towards her wiping my tears. Tears of happiness I never felt even when my company once made a profit of 100 million.”

What is happiness?

What is happiness?

Who says happiness is reserved for the rich. Who says happiness is reserved for the people who own high tech gadgets. Who says happiness is reserved for MBA people from premier institutes.  Who says happiness is reserved only for the people who travel all around the world.

Our mind is always in a constant state of comparison. When it sees the positive difference between two events, happiness will result no matter wherever you are, whichever condition you are in or who you are.

Happiness is a feeling of contrast between two situations.

Your friend who is rich has 10 million dollars. You are poor. You win 5 million dollars in a lottery . But, your friend loses 5 million dollars and the resultant bank balance in both of your account will be same. Yet, your friend will be in depression and you will be happy in the clouds. See this?

Amount of money although, same in the end, didn’t make any difference.

Man is a fool. He keeps on chasing the other side of mountain thinking all he has is not enough to be happy. Let me tell you : It will never come.You will never find places in the world or in future where only happiness resides. Because sadness and happiness are two sides of same coin. One can’t exist without the other.

Want to be happy? Work intensely hard during the day. When the tired back will touch the bed, you will know happiness.

Want to be happy? You will be when you turn on the lights and you will see your friends singing happy birthday for you.

Want to be happy? Know that death strikes surprisingly without plans and excuses. When you will return home today, your mother will be there to welcome you home. Who knows about  tomorrow?

Then why are you waiting for tomorrow? Create the contrast situations today and you will be surprised to see how much happiness you generate for yourself and others.Happiness is happiness, no matter  how you feel and where you feel.

That night before my sister slept, as I hugged her, she asked me the same question again. “Dada, you had promised me the answer?”

I had no answer but, as I drew out a chocolate bar from my pocket her eyes shone like twinkling star. Her face in awe as I said “This is happiness. ”



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