Tag Archives: emotions

Just because you are emotionally sensitive doesn’t mean you are weak

There is a category of people in this world and if you land in this category you will know it. Anything that is being said or done to hurt you, affects you immediately.

You are just like that sensitive radio which picks up music instantly if brought into coverage.

Ofcourse, you won’t cry or show your emotions in front of people.Your face will be stoic and hardened like a rock. But, it will be pretending in the end. You can try to hide it. You can cover your face with fake expressions.You will feel bad about yourself that you are affected so quickly.You will unconsciously tell yourself that you don’t give a shit about what the other says or does.

Really? Look deep inside. Still more inside.

You are afraid to face the deepest person inside you. Because, you know what- You actually give a shit about what the other person said or did. People who don’t care don’t go on telling everyone that they don’t care.

You actually want to express what you felt but, you are afraid the other person will abandon you.You are afraid they will get repulsed because you pick up emotions very easily.

So, you bottle up everything inside. Keep it locked deep inside your chest, until the emotions turn into poison and start affecting you physically and psychologically.

Thats the worst thing about sensitive people. When you see a man or a woman getting affected immediately, you mock him or her, tease them for being so emotionally weak.

You tell him to take back his tears. But, for emotionally sensitive people it’s so hard to hold back tears. It’s a different struggle altogether. You want to vomit but, you have to hold it back just because other’s don’t like it. You are crushed between the social pressure and your mind wanting to express.

Insensitive psychopaths will never understand. How will they ? They lack empathy. They lack the ability to place themselves in other’s shoes and feel things. I am not judging them. There is nothing wrong with them. Let them be. The world needs all types of people.

But, if you are emotionally sensitive just don’t change yourself for the sake of validation. Because, when people tell you, you are weak, they are just implying why aren’t you like them? But, what can you do. You can’t ask a plant why are you sprouting only yellow flowers. It just does. It’s inherent nature.

If you are unaffected by emotions you have a psychopathy element in you. It doesn’t mean you are strong. We all know innumerable people in our life who have been affected deeply. They have let the pain pierced them completely. But, they bounced back. How faster you recover decides your strength and not how deeply emotions affect you.

All the beautiful literature and art originated from emotionally senstive people because,they could explore that another dimension in life. So, it’s only weakness if you don’t recover from it. Else, you are blessed to be emotionally sensitive.

How to be emotionally independent- Strategy # 5

Strategy 5 :  Know your self worth

Allow me to quote you a statement from my first post of this series

“ Emotional independence doesn’t come from being insensitive to the surroundings like a dumb rock. But, when outside events strike to unbalance your emotional stability, how much you can control your mind and bring it back on the track”

Having your own self-worth doesn’t mean being egoistic. Ego and self-worth has a thin line separating it. If Ego is a yellow flame, self worth is blue flame. Blue flame is more passive and indirect than ego. It is that border where defense and offense separates.

Why is self-worth so important? Because ,it saves you from suicide. It saves you from the fact that you don’t need validation from other people to know everything is right about you. Having self-worth helps you move on faster from a past relationship which you are unable to move on.

Through self-worth, self-confidence arises because now it’s not ok for anyone to mistreat you. Now you won’t be comparing yourself to the people from higher or lower authority. You realize you are unique and that your journey is way different from what they are pursuing.

So, would having self worth help you in anyway achieve emotional independence? And if so, how?

Self-improvement:

Consistently, improve yourself, physically and mentally. Do exercises- weightlifting, crossfit or yoga whatever suits you. Loose your body fat and eat clean. Avoid junk foods. It is difficult at first. Later, after one month of persistent will, you won’t find junk food any attractive.

Besides career, invest in learning musical instrument or a language. Keep focusing on yourself and never leave this lifestyle. When you learn something new, it is hard but it stays with you forever.

The reason, why I insist on self-improvement is because you will be less desperate to people and more involved in yourself keeping yourself busy. Emotions are imbalanced when they are more invested in others than you. Less desperation amounts to high self-worth. Be that person because people come and go, you stay with you till the grave.

Learning to walk away when people mistreat you:

No. Don’t fall into the trap of convincing people too much. Explain yourself once or at the maximum twice and if the person doesn’t listen just walk away. It was never about explanation. It was about trust. And now it is more about valuing yourself above everything. You are modest enough to explain but, not submissive enough to become a toilet rug.

You decide your own worth. You don’t come for a price of a condom. Know this.

But, let not ego cross your mind. Ego will provoke you  to take revenge against the person, but, its not worth even a second of your life.

Chatting with someone? Know the volley ball rule. For every message they sent you, send a reply. And if your message doesn’t get replied to… wait. Don’t go on shooting long messages. If no response then leave. Don’t type anything further.

emotionally independent

Kills strong villian. Can’t control his emotions though

Everyone is replaceable except parents.

Have abundance mentality. Yes, except parents everyone is irreplaceable. Yes, sometimes life replaces your friends, boyfriends, partners. Sometimes life makes it happen and sometimes you do. And we are always fine and equally enjoying with the new one after the grieving process.

When someone leaves, grieve behind the doors. And then know this simple truth of life “Everyone is replaceable.” Think about it, anyone would have done the same thing had they been in their place.

But, doesn’t mean you take them for granted either. Learn to appreciate those fellows who are always there for you. We only take those people for granted who are easily available to us. But, when they decide to leave you, know that new people, new experiences are waiting to happen in your life. Shedding old skin is always painful for a snake, but the change fills him with new life. Don’t  fight a losing battle against the nature’s law of change. Change is a way of survival. Don’t be that snake carrying the baggage of old skin everywhere.

Never compare. Know that you are unique:

That’s the thing about ego. Ego says you are superior to everyone. It is disrespectful. Self-worth says- you are neither above nor below and everyone deserves respect.

When you have self-worth and someone humiliates trying to move you down, you will be least affected because now you know ladder in life has always been a myth and the person who lowers you down needs to see a psychiatrist. Every experience or state in your life is neither worse or good. Its different.

Just because someone holds a higher authority when you approach them don’t look down like a beggar all shit scared.

Because these people will admire you more if you respect them with confidence rather than go like a hunching zombie. Don’t massage their ego. But, let them know you respect them. That keeps your self-worth.


When you know your value you deny to disrespect yourself. And self-worth is about respecting everyone including your self. Emotions will always swing away and lose control once you have determined your fate as a low valued animal.

So , next time your emotional balance tips off , let the blue flame surround your body. Don’t let the yellow flame, because there is always collateral damage with it. In the process of burning others you will burn yourself too. Don’t harden yourself when you come across pain. Losing sensitivity is losing life… more like moving in life like a stoned zombie. Instead aim for emotional independency.

 

If you have missed the earlier posts of this series, here are the links :

How to be emotionally independent- Introduction
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #1
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #2
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #3
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #4

 

Your heart is located in your butt

When somebody says the next time, ‘follow your heart’ ask him what he exactly means. Does he mean that you should not avoid eating fries in the Mcdonalds just because your heart craves for it? Or does he mean going back to the ex who always humiliated, but your heart still convinced you that relationship is more important than self-respect?

Does he mean that you should better play the mobile games, scroll the instagram images or sleep for one more hour? Does he mean postponing your goals just because your heart says ‘You better sleep, who knows the world might end tomorrow’.

If you ask me what you should do, I would suggest ‘Never follow your heart’. As far as decision making is concerned, heart misguides you, doesn’t care about your self-respect and succumbs you to unhealthy actions.

Why I am saying something so unconventional when the world is shouting out it’s larynx?

Just because an inspirational video tells you to follow your heart with it’s rampant music giving you all sorts of goosebumps on your body; it isn’t necessarily true. I would say ask your mind too.

Your heart is located in the butt

Oh my heart

Feelings are damn disobedient only for a reason because once the salesman makes you imagine how your neighbor will be jealous seeing your 44” TV with gazillion colors although you know you shouldn’t be giving a fuck to what they think about you, will still go for what the salesman said.

Science says your irrational feelings are 24 times more powerful than your logical mind. And what happens the next day? You undergo remorse. ‘Go with the flow’ they always said . 🙁

Impulsiveness , irrationality and hyper-excited behavior are all the consequences of decisions taken by heart.

Heart is something that is always considered to be in the chest. I am not talking about biological- heart. I am talking about emotional one which movies, poets and novels tend to place it. If heart makes you go so wrong why place it there like the capital of India.

I tell you, our heart is located in our butt. And what do you expect from a butt which only farts and poop? Bad and irrational decisions, right?

Next time when you are struggling on a decision stuck between your heart and mind remember this – who would you consult? Your head which is the crown or your ass which has no work, but to guide you with short term decisions.

And if you still choose your ass, sorry to say you are entirely an ass yourself.

Never knock the door of relationships more than twice

In any sort of relationship never knock the door more than twice. It is respectful and humble to be the first one to approach the other person. But ,not more than twice. It is time you step back and go to your work.

Because, any relationship is always a two sided work. Have you tried to balance the see-saw with you – the only one sitting on one end and the other empty? If you single handedly decide to support the relationship it is impossible. More than impossible, it is a waste of time.

I have friends who would soil themselves out desperately trying to get their ex-partners back. Even if they could see no efforts from the other end, they would still continue to exhaust their energy into the black hole. In the end they only become successful in pushing them away. And also destroying their own self-worth which is often the reason for suicide.

Remember this one thing. If you are the only one who plays on the see-saw you are doing it all wrong. You need to back out of the relationship.

Jealousy and possessiveness are already defamed reasons for the destructive relationships. But, desperation is another grand killer. Whatever happens, knock the door twice and then stay back and hold on to your self-respect tightly. Let your ego come out and let it stand in between you and them.

It is essential if you want to save yourself from emotional turmoil. Self-love is not possible without a little bit of ego.

Because ,you don’t want to be beggar in the end. Seen how beggars will persist in front of you until you don’t respond. They will say the same words again and again. In the process you don’t succumb to their demands, you ignore them. You will move to some other place. But, then they will follow you. Each second you harden and become more and more resistive to the other person.

Then a time comes when your anger bursts and you scream at them to leave.

Now, imagine yourself as that beggar. Just that now you are begging love and forceful attention instead of coins. With this perspective in your mind do you think the other person is to be blamed to reject you?

I often love to keep in touch with my old friends. It happens that they forget me so I knock on their door. I message them asking about their whereabouts. But, believe me the moment I get sluggish response, I retreat and I never go back into their space.

If there is anything long lasting in this world it is your self-worth and individualism. This might sound selfish.

But, only when you protect your self-worth and individuality will you be able to flourish in a relationship. Because now you aren’t pissing off the other person. The moment you lose it, the relationship cracks like a nut.

In fact self-worth is the fuel for sustaining  relationship. And if you are still not in any relationship and if you happen to keep these both attributes, you will soon find a partner you can fall in love with. And if you are a beggar I bet you will never fall in love. Even if you do you will fall for a sadist.

Before love and trust comes respect. For creating respect, self-worth is the raw material. After all people will love you only when you love yourself. They will only value you only when you value yourself.

And when respect is there, love and trust will follow.

So, next time someone ignores you or responds you in a feeble manner, back out. Pat yourself that you were the first one to approach. Your soul is humble enough. But, make sure you don’t play the role of a cheesy salesman on their door.

How to become emotionally independent

Right from the childhood days till the present date, I never had the opportunity to choose what I should feel.

Ask yourself; haven’t you handed down the remote of your mood into the hands of your boss, spouse and society? Emotions are yours but, the control over it? That isn’t in your hand. Isn’t it an irony? What is happening? You were happy for a moment when someone came along and decided to spoil that smile of yours.

They are deciding what you should feel. You have been all the day, connected wirelessly to them.

You are emotionally independent when you decide you won’t let others control what you feel.

We speak of becoming independent and free. But, in the materialistic world of ours we are only limited to material freedom like a self-owned house, a car and travel. Ask these materialistically rich people. They are only physically free. But, some of their faces express clogged expressions like a mud stuck in drainage. The reason – because they are still controlled by others. And in today’s world your emotions swing like a pendulum when you have so much commotion all around you.

If you want to survive in this world it is time to take over the remote control you have handed to others. Your friends, your parents, your society might use the weapons of fear, guilt and emotional blackmailing.  Why to stray away and let them take control over your happiness?

Ask yourself- What is happiness? What is depression? Can you find them somewhere?  Can you show me- “Amit, this is happiness..this is sadness !” They are nowhere but, within your mind. So, if these emotions aren’t placed anywhere outside your body, why not change what is happening inside us rather than changing outside?

How to become emotionally stronger

Photo credits : playbuzz.com

Mind it…Emotional independence doesn’t come from being insensitive to the surroundings like a dumb rock. But, when they strike to unbalance your emotional stability, how much can you control your mind and bring it back on the track.

It is just like you are driving on a road. Some other person comes and tries to push your car off the road. But, you keep your hands on the steering wheel and control your own car to bring it back on the track. Just because someone pushed you off the road doesn’t mean you will let the car have it’s own way into the valley.

You have the steering wheel in your hand. I just wanted you to acknowledge it through this post.

At first you might need lots of will power. But, with time your car goes on becoming bigger and bigger as you exercise more of emotional independence. Then one day your car becomes so big, any one will find it hard to push you off the road neither do you have to put much effort to control the steering wheel.

When you will take the control of our emotions in our hand then you can garner strength to live a really regret free life. Look around you – you try to set everything right by changing what is external. You try to change your friends, you try to change others. But, a small change within yourself will set the beam of your mind in a different direction. Changing what is internal is quite easy.

In the end it is a necessity that not someone decides what we should feel. Stop being emotionally dependent on people and ask yourself- What you can and not others can do to make yourself happy? Stop being a ping pong ball and take control over your emotions.

When you are the sole controller of decision then tell me how much happy do you feel! When someone tries to play with your heart you won’t find strings attached to that person. You are free to decide what to feel for yourself.

Becoming emotionally independent is the core of personality development. Once you are accustomed to having control of your emotions, new doors of freedom will open up for you.


Copyright © 2017. Powered by WordPress & Romangie Theme.