Tag Archives: breakups

Vulnerability

The shell of an oyster is hard. The organism inside is physically fragile. So it keeps the shell tightly closed all the time. But, if the shell opens up, the organism exposes itself. With it’s shell closed, nothing can kill it. But, now anything can kill it. It becomes vulnerable.

We all are psychologically like oysters. Hardened, always on defensive and detached from outcome. But, once in a while you become vulnerable. You come out of the shell – may be for that friend, may be for that special one, for your parents. Because, what joy is there with the shell closed away for everyone?

You let others drive you emotionally.I find it to be superficial when people tell you, you are responsible for your own happiness. No. People to whom we are vulnerable, are responsible for our happiness. But, there is a danger. These people can also drive you mad.

Love is vulnerable. If it is not, then it is not love. Because love follows vulnerability. And people taking advantage of this vulnerability are often described as betrayers and cheaters. They possess the power to make you uncomfortable. And once it happens, you lock down your shell forever. You refuse to come out. Because, emotional wounds don’t heal.

But, even after being hurt there is a sense of content , that you loved fully. Not because you understood the other person, but you understood yourself. The person you love is like a mirror.The more vulnerable you become, the more clearer you can look yourself in the mirror.

We can never see our body completely without mirror.But, what about your soul? The physical mirror doesn’t reflect it. You can only see it, once you become vulnerable. Once you start loving completely and become fully vulnerable, it is only at that point you become that person and that person becomes you. They look for themselves in you and you look for yourself in them. And once that happens, once two circles overlap, you attain ultimate bliss. you have fully accepted the gift of God. The gift of vulnerability.

 

Why I support breakups and divorces.

This post is going to be a bit long.But, you will learn some great insights.So grab a coffee and couch while you read it.

Relationships should be like oasis in desert. In this harsh life, when you get exhausted, beaten and tired you take comfort in these relationships. Just like you feel at home, similarly you feel like you are at ease with your partner. You get to be yourself. You are vulnerable.

But, would to continue to be in a relationship which is consistently all about bickering and nagging each other? Relationships are a place of comfort, recovery and growth. If you don’t find any of these three attributes you might have to reconsider continuing your relationships.

Once I met a person who used to work overtime. His name was Ajit. He wasn’t workaholic but, refused to leave his office early. I controlled my laughter when he reasoned it.

His face turned into like that of a poor dog as he spoke “I hate going home because of my wife. She sits on my head and doesn’t even allow me to sleep. So, one day I shouted at her with all the voice from the bottom of my gut. Now, she nags me even more! When going home my belly contracts and I start getting all the bad blues!”

I don’t want to take his side. Neither, do I take her side. I just say if it isn’t a place of comfort, recovery and growth then you should separate. There is no use living a life of constant discomfort. After all, we have a short life span. We don’t live for thousand years.

Not that if occasional fights happen, you should immediately separate. But, when you feel consistently smothered, it is perfect to separate after a time.

Sometimes people assume divorces and breakups to be a curse. They find it painful. So rather they continue the stagnant relationship. There is a saying “Better is the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”. So, you choose to continue wherever you are.

Ofcourse, it is painful. Just like birth is painful for the mother and baby. But, see the smile on mother’s face after she sees her baby. It’s incomparable. Breakups are the same way. Divorces are the same thing. It’s painful but, worth in the end.

When someone says “I love you forever” you can be sure, he or she never actually means it forever. Of course they intend it forever, but only for that day for that moment. In a flow of excitement and bubbles of love bouncing in your stomach you just say it all.

But, tomorrow you might just change. And you will. Just tell me what remains forever? In fact who you are today you weren’t that person five years ago. All of these years there has been a lot of shift in your beliefs and perspective. Tomorrow the reason why you always loved them might not be there anymore.

Ask any person who just broke off, that while they were in love didn’t they always promise to be together forever. When the reason why you love her or him falls off, the reason for your relationship also falls off.

Or may be you cope up with that by changing yourself or accepting that it’s all God’s will. To make it forever, you might just act as if you really love him or her although you don’t mean it from heart.

Why such artificiality? Why don’t you break off if there is nothing that sparks between you both? A relationship that has to work out, is not a relationship at all.

The concept of soulmate is a pure myth. If you don’t believe me ask any widow who married a new guy who will tell he is her soulmate. Our human mind loves to live in fantasies since they are more comforting than the reality itself. But, the truth is when you are drugged under the chemical called love you are hallucinating that the other person is soulmate itself.

Divorcees are looked upon as failures by society . But, there is a complete disagreement to it. How can it be? In-fact they are a lot courageous I feel. I have total respect for them. Because to hold on the something that no longer works, is a sign of coward rat.

Although, we all never want to move out of comfort zones, we hold on to something that is very dear to us.Only those who have the blood to move out of something that derogates their quality of life are the ones who live with utmost fulfillment.

In eastern countries we all admire the fact that we have less divorce rate than the western society. However, its completely evident that it is not that we all are superb at managing our relationships. But, in eastern society it is more of a sacrifice( especially by women) that sustains their relationships.

She completely destroys and supresses her own capabilities to serve her so called ‘God-husband’ and family and society which has already crippled her capability to be independent.

Hence, out of this fear she stays within the marriage. Where will she go if she divorces? Besides what will be her reputation in the society? What will people think? You can make any relationship or a marriage sustainable for life time if you make the other person dependent on you. Listen! It will be dependency and not love.

But, if you can compare the 21th and 19th century in eastern countries like India, divorce rate has already grown exponentially. Because of women empowerment and education they are all becoming ambitious. Now the question of dependency is kicked out of the equation. In today’s world until love and compatibility remains, relationship remains. Now what happened?

It is not all ugly as you think. I think the emotions which we always considered love was never pure love. In-fact behind that was hiding the ugly heads of dependency and societal pressures. The fact that these days they have been replaced with self-interests which align their ambitions. Like a man choosing a woman for marriage with high salary so that he could pay his home loan.

So, if that is a dead relationship you are going through, break it or divorce. Tell it to that person. If that person really loved you and is mature enough, she or he will understand that there is a thing beyond ‘promised-forever’. That there is nothing you call as soul-mate. It is just a mind play.

After years when you look back you will thank yourself you didn’t waste time on things that you always thought were comfortable. A little push out of the cave and only then you will see the sunshine. <3

How to love your second girlfriend just as the first one

First relationship in your life rarely succeeds for really long time. If you are one of that lucky bastard, you needn’t read this post.

I have many of my friends who have stumbled in their first relationship. Like others, they thought it would exist forever. But, reality hit them hard when one of them in relationship matures so much, that loving each other becomes an effort.

Months ahead they move on (which they haven’t really). Read here: Why some people just can’t get over their Ex. They say they have turned strong. To fill this void, they might fall in love with another person. Now they are in the second relationship. However, the second relationship crashes soon! The third one too and so does the forth one.

It is quite amazing how people immediately, wrongly associate this phenomenon with a myth “There is nothing like First love. The rest is just a chore”

Why shouldn’t it be a chore? You are comparing the new person in the relationship with the one in the first. It is true that your first love was amazing and had her/his magic. But, so does the person in the second relationship have her/his own. Comparison is futile in this case. It is like comparing a Rose with lotus. It is foolish. Lotus can’t be rose neither can Rose be the Lotus.

Second girlfriend

Image credits: www.pinterest.com

You just need to be present in the situation. Enjoy the unique love, Lotus has for you. If you are going to compare then, you will be just as disappointed as a person expecting sun to rise from the west.

“First love remains the only love throughout your life” is a myth. Musicians make a lot of business out of this belief. If you don’t believe me play any random song in your playlist and tell me which type it belongs. Isn’t it about love and breakups?

Really, nothing is under your control when you separate. You just have to acknowledge that whatever time you lived together was beautiful and cut down any hope of her coming back. This is the way you move on. Cooperate with the inevitable. How to get over your Ex.

Nature never creates anything repetitive. So, every person is a door to the new magic world. If you have moved on with your previous broken relationship , don’t hesitate to say yes to that new person. Because that new person will take you into a different world altogether. After all you are living to experience variety not monotony. But, only on one condition- If you stop comparisons and enjoy the unique gifts this person has to offer.  I promise you will thank me later 😉


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