This post is going to be a bit long.But, you will learn some great insights.So grab a coffee and couch while you read it.
Relationships should be like oasis in desert. In this harsh life, when you get exhausted, beaten and tired you take comfort in these relationships. Just like you feel at home, similarly you feel like you are at ease with your partner. You get to be yourself. You are vulnerable.
But, would to continue to be in a relationship which is consistently all about bickering and nagging each other? Relationships are a place of comfort, recovery and growth. If you don’t find any of these three attributes you might have to reconsider continuing your relationships.
Once I met a person who used to work overtime. His name was Ajit. He wasn’t workaholic but, refused to leave his office early. I controlled my laughter when he reasoned it.
His face turned into like that of a poor dog as he spoke “I hate going home because of my wife. She sits on my head and doesn’t even allow me to sleep. So, one day I shouted at her with all the voice from the bottom of my gut. Now, she nags me even more! When going home my belly contracts and I start getting all the bad blues!”
I don’t want to take his side. Neither, do I take her side. I just say if it isn’t a place of comfort, recovery and growth then you should separate. There is no use living a life of constant discomfort. After all, we have a short life span. We don’t live for thousand years.
Not that if occasional fights happen, you should immediately separate. But, when you feel consistently smothered, it is perfect to separate after a time.
Sometimes people assume divorces and breakups to be a curse. They find it painful. So rather they continue the stagnant relationship. There is a saying “Better is the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”. So, you choose to continue wherever you are.
Ofcourse, it is painful. Just like birth is painful for the mother and baby. But, see the smile on mother’s face after she sees her baby. It’s incomparable. Breakups are the same way. Divorces are the same thing. It’s painful but, worth in the end.
When someone says “I love you forever” you can be sure, he or she never actually means it forever. Of course they intend it forever, but only for that day for that moment. In a flow of excitement and bubbles of love bouncing in your stomach you just say it all.
But, tomorrow you might just change. And you will. Just tell me what remains forever? In fact who you are today you weren’t that person five years ago. All of these years there has been a lot of shift in your beliefs and perspective. Tomorrow the reason why you always loved them might not be there anymore.
Ask any person who just broke off, that while they were in love didn’t they always promise to be together forever. When the reason why you love her or him falls off, the reason for your relationship also falls off.
Or may be you cope up with that by changing yourself or accepting that it’s all God’s will. To make it forever, you might just act as if you really love him or her although you don’t mean it from heart.
Why such artificiality? Why don’t you break off if there is nothing that sparks between you both? A relationship that has to work out, is not a relationship at all.
The concept of soulmate is a pure myth. If you don’t believe me ask any widow who married a new guy who will tell he is her soulmate. Our human mind loves to live in fantasies since they are more comforting than the reality itself. But, the truth is when you are drugged under the chemical called love you are hallucinating that the other person is soulmate itself.
Divorcees are looked upon as failures by society . But, there is a complete disagreement to it. How can it be? In-fact they are a lot courageous I feel. I have total respect for them. Because to hold on the something that no longer works, is a sign of coward rat.
Although, we all never want to move out of comfort zones, we hold on to something that is very dear to us.Only those who have the blood to move out of something that derogates their quality of life are the ones who live with utmost fulfillment.
In eastern countries we all admire the fact that we have less divorce rate than the western society. However, its completely evident that it is not that we all are superb at managing our relationships. But, in eastern society it is more of a sacrifice( especially by women) that sustains their relationships.
She completely destroys and supresses her own capabilities to serve her so called ‘God-husband’ and family and society which has already crippled her capability to be independent.
Hence, out of this fear she stays within the marriage. Where will she go if she divorces? Besides what will be her reputation in the society? What will people think? You can make any relationship or a marriage sustainable for life time if you make the other person dependent on you. Listen! It will be dependency and not love.
But, if you can compare the 21th and 19th century in eastern countries like India, divorce rate has already grown exponentially. Because of women empowerment and education they are all becoming ambitious. Now the question of dependency is kicked out of the equation. In today’s world until love and compatibility remains, relationship remains. Now what happened?
It is not all ugly as you think. I think the emotions which we always considered love was never pure love. In-fact behind that was hiding the ugly heads of dependency and societal pressures. The fact that these days they have been replaced with self-interests which align their ambitions. Like a man choosing a woman for marriage with high salary so that he could pay his home loan.
So, if that is a dead relationship you are going through, break it or divorce. Tell it to that person. If that person really loved you and is mature enough, she or he will understand that there is a thing beyond ‘promised-forever’. That there is nothing you call as soul-mate. It is just a mind play.
After years when you look back you will thank yourself you didn’t waste time on things that you always thought were comfortable. A little push out of the cave and only then you will see the sunshine. <3