Why people guilt trap you and what to do about it
I have realised the most difficult people in this world to deal with are those ,who will guilt trap you into doing things. ‘Guilt’, like nuclear weapon is the most horrible and destructive social weapon people use to manipulate you.
People will put on you an emotional pressure to do things which fulfills their need and not yours. These people can include anyone – from your family members pushing you into marriage OR relatives who guilt you for wearing skimpy clothes OR that stranger who asks you to buy insurance policy so that he could feed his children OR your ex-boyfriend threatening to suicide if you don’t reconcile.
Why people do it? It’s easy . Can be used anywhere and on anyone. The results are also quick.
I remember many a times it happened that a person wanted me to do something I didn’t wish. Yet I would do it anyway because he or she had tears in their eyes making me feel guilty of something. In the long run I have always regretted it.
Then one day I decided to sort these things out once and for all. I learnt few simple truths so I could finally deal with such confrontations.
It’s my RIGHT to put my needs first.
I wonder why do we always feel we are not entitled to do something that makes us happy. If I take a decision and that makes other despise me…well ! I don’t care. I just keep doing things which makes me happy.
I am not a bad person if I think about my needs first.
Good and bad are relative terms. People always have this unsteady judgement about a person everyday. If they criticize someone today, the next day they will appreciate the same person.External validation is an unstable foundation upon which we can build our life on. The only stable foundation is yourself.
Then why bother what people talk about you? You are mature enough to judge your own actions, then why let other’s judge you when they are not even 1 % aware of the life’s journey you are going through. The way people judge you tells a lot about them and not you.
If I put myself first, it will make me a better person and eventually it will help others
If a person is drowning and I don’t know how to swim I shouldn’t enter the river to help him. So, before you save others first save yourself. And if you help someone in such a weak position you will infact harm that person.
If you need to give away money instead of spending that on education, I would say ‘Be selfish’. Tomorrow if you become a doctor you will be able to help more number of people in your life then you would have back then.
Whenever I have to say ‘NO’ I feel bitter for that moment. Just like an injection pricks when you are ill. But, in the long run you feel better. It is not their mistake if they guilt you into something, it is your own mistake you couldn’t say ‘NO’ to such advances.