Forgetting your past ( Q & A with the reader )
How do you forget your past?
It’s impossible. They are called memories for a reason that they come back to you again and again. It is a part, something which you can’t rip apart from your head. In the end it all boils down to the thing that you have to live with it. You don’t have a choice.
Why is it that the past always consist of bitter memories? Most of the memories make me sad.
We happen to live with happy and sad moments equally. They both happen in proportion. But, our mind will always be less receptive to positive events. Negative events are like bitter lemon seeds in a tasteful biryani. Even if you happen to coincidently chew a couple of them, after your lunch you won’t recollect the spices in biryani. Instead, curse the lemon seeds and think how everything is ruined because of that.
Is that why when I think of past, the first thing that comes into my mind is hurtful memories then?
I told you about the biryani. It’s true.
Because ,our mind is wired to sense even small amounts of negativity. Not only sense, it is etched heavily into our memories. That is how our ancestors survived. Nature is not concerned with what you want. It is more concerned about your survival.
You won’t remember the smell of flower you smelled in your childhood. Damn! You don’t even remember its color. You don’t even remember if you smelled it or not? But, remember the hot pan you touched accidently? Your brain can visualize it through all its senses once again.
Enough of science, so there is no solution it seems to forget our past…I think it’s hopeless even to think of one. Nature is a bitch.
I tell you, external Control is an illusion. We can’t control what happens with us. But, our response is perfectly within us. If you happen to play badminton, you know you can’t control what other plays but, you can decide your shots.
It’s true you got to live with your past. You can’t do anything about it. If you try not to think about it, you actually wind up thinking more about it. Just like you can’t come out of mud ditch struggling.
The best response is to forgive your-self first, then the other person. You made a mistake you feel you shouldn’t have but, then who doesn’t? Humans are made to err. Mistakes are ok as long as you learn.
I remember the first response who usually hurt me in the first place was to despise them, curse them like I hate eating ladyfingers. But, once I matured I understood it was useless. You can’t make people act the way you want. Smile back. It’s fine if you don’t want to love them again. But don’t hate them. Stay neutral.
And if they don’t respond fine! Remember you were doing all of this ‘forgiving thing’ for yourself. You feel a lot better irrespective of what their response it. Frankly speaking after forgiving them, myself and learning from the mistakes, IDGAF about their response! Neither I keep on analyzing “ Only if I had done this..” You simply can’t go through life without making mistakes. And it’s absolutely impossible So, forgive yourself for the way nature made you.
Try this, do this with an intention not to benefit others but, to benefit yourself first. Remember, moving on is as same as forgiving and letting go.