How to be emotionally independent- Strategy # 5
Strategy 5 : Know your self worth
Allow me to quote you a statement from my first post of this series
“ Emotional independence doesn’t come from being insensitive to the surroundings like a dumb rock. But, when outside events strike to unbalance your emotional stability, how much you can control your mind and bring it back on the track”
Having your own self-worth doesn’t mean being egoistic. Ego and self-worth has a thin line separating it. If Ego is a yellow flame, self worth is blue flame. Blue flame is more passive and indirect than ego. It is that border where defense and offense separates.
Why is self-worth so important? Because ,it saves you from suicide. It saves you from the fact that you don’t need validation from other people to know everything is right about you. Having self-worth helps you move on faster from a past relationship which you are unable to move on.
Through self-worth, self-confidence arises because now it’s not ok for anyone to mistreat you. Now you won’t be comparing yourself to the people from higher or lower authority. You realize you are unique and that your journey is way different from what they are pursuing.
So, would having self worth help you in anyway achieve emotional independence? And if so, how?
Consistently, improve yourself, physically and mentally. Do exercises- weightlifting, crossfit or yoga whatever suits you. Loose your body fat and eat clean. Avoid junk foods. It is difficult at first. Later, after one month of persistent will, you won’t find junk food any attractive.
Besides career, invest in learning musical instrument or a language. Keep focusing on yourself and never leave this lifestyle. When you learn something new, it is hard but it stays with you forever.
The reason, why I insist on self-improvement is because you will be less desperate to people and more involved in yourself keeping yourself busy. Emotions are imbalanced when they are more invested in others than you. Less desperation amounts to high self-worth. Be that person because people come and go, you stay with you till the grave.
Learning to walk away when people mistreat you:
No. Don’t fall into the trap of convincing people too much. Explain yourself once or at the maximum twice and if the person doesn’t listen just walk away. It was never about explanation. It was about trust. And now it is more about valuing yourself above everything. You are modest enough to explain but, not submissive enough to become a toilet rug.
You decide your own worth. You don’t come for a price of a condom. Know this.
But, let not ego cross your mind. Ego will provoke you to take revenge against the person, but, its not worth even a second of your life.
Chatting with someone? Know the volley ball rule. For every message they sent you, send a reply. And if your message doesn’t get replied to… wait. Don’t go on shooting long messages. If no response then leave. Don’t type anything further.
Everyone is replaceable except parents.
Have abundance mentality. Yes, except parents everyone is irreplaceable. Yes, sometimes life replaces your friends, boyfriends, partners. Sometimes life makes it happen and sometimes you do. And we are always fine and equally enjoying with the new one after the grieving process.
When someone leaves, grieve behind the doors. And then know this simple truth of life “Everyone is replaceable.” Think about it, anyone would have done the same thing had they been in their place.
But, doesn’t mean you take them for granted either. Learn to appreciate those fellows who are always there for you. We only take those people for granted who are easily available to us. But, when they decide to leave you, know that new people, new experiences are waiting to happen in your life. Shedding old skin is always painful for a snake, but the change fills him with new life. Don’t fight a losing battle against the nature’s law of change. Change is a way of survival. Don’t be that snake carrying the baggage of old skin everywhere.
Never compare. Know that you are unique:
That’s the thing about ego. Ego says you are superior to everyone. It is disrespectful. Self-worth says- you are neither above nor below and everyone deserves respect.
When you have self-worth and someone humiliates trying to move you down, you will be least affected because now you know ladder in life has always been a myth and the person who lowers you down needs to see a psychiatrist. Every experience or state in your life is neither worse or good. Its different.
Just because someone holds a higher authority when you approach them don’t look down like a beggar all shit scared.
Because these people will admire you more if you respect them with confidence rather than go like a hunching zombie. Don’t massage their ego. But, let them know you respect them. That keeps your self-worth.
When you know your value you deny to disrespect yourself. And self-worth is about respecting everyone including your self. Emotions will always swing away and lose control once you have determined your fate as a low valued animal.
So , next time your emotional balance tips off , let the blue flame surround your body. Don’t let the yellow flame, because there is always collateral damage with it. In the process of burning others you will burn yourself too. Don’t harden yourself when you come across pain. Losing sensitivity is losing life… more like moving in life like a stoned zombie. Instead aim for emotional independency.
If you have missed the earlier posts of this series, here are the links :