3 ways to cope with the Inevitable and the Uncontrollable
Accept it. There are things we can control and then there are things we can’t control. Sometimes we hold the steering wheel of the car and sometimes we are just a passenger on back seat at the mercy of the other driver.
I often get confused when people say ‘You can’t change some things in your life because they are beyond control. But you can decide how to react’. But, they are never specific about how to react. Here are those 3 ways to cope with a bad uncontrollable and the inevitable.
Reframing is changing the way you look at things. If you have seen the news channels twisting the sentences in order to provoke intense response from the viewer, that would be the best example of negative reframing. Even if the words mean same thing they will use dark expressions to attract viewers.
Positive reframing is looking at the world in positive light. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Whatever happened with you is sufferable, but would you have been as strong as you are now, if it would have not happened?
The glass half filled with water is the truth. How do you perceive reality? Look at it as half glass empty or half glass full. Reality is always neutral in nature. Your mind has the capability of twisting the perception and thereby affecting your emotions.
After my grandmother died, my parents would say ‘It’s already decided that when your time on earth is over, no matter how much you try to save that person you can’t because it’s already written ’ I would often oppose such kind of beliefs in my childhood. But, later I understood that it was their way of coping with death and grief. That’s an extension of ‘Reframing’ concept. You can read about it at this link.
The most difficult part of coping with uncontrollable hardships is being not able to accept it completely. Your mind is in the state of shock when suddenly something abrupt happens. But, keep pushing towards acceptance.
You will remain in misery forever, if it’s difficult for you to let things sink in. If anyone shares their misery with you, you can never help them with your solutions because it will be like cutting the upper branches of tree. The tree will regrow. At the roots of the trees lie ‘Non-Acceptance’. Until you uproot the unaccepting behavior you can never deal with them.
Make them accept things the way they are. Allow them to fully absorb what has happened. Give them some time if you wish. Let them grieve a bit. When the acceptance happens, grieving automatically stops and they become receptive to your solutions because they look forward to change things. Then your counseling will work. You just can’t skip ahead.
This is my favorite way of dealing with things. Had an accident? Fell from a chair? Had a bad breakup? You had all of this back-to- back? Probably because you are God’s favorite. He has put other people on earth for serious business. But, you are his joker.
Probably when you look back at these things after a long span of time, you will be sharing these things with your children and they will laugh as to how their father was stupid as fuck. ( Not kidding )
If you are an optimist it’s good but, if you are a humorist it’s better. Be humorous. Find ways to laugh at yourself and others. Don’t worry about offending anyone. ( Getting offended is a choice). Marriage has always been one of the most painful tragedies in human life.I wonder why there are so many jokes cracked to deal with such uncontrollable events.