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The art of being fearless in social situations

It is easy to frighten someone if that person is already frighten. Try scaring a dog. If the dog gets scared and starts running away from you, you will be motivated to scare him further.

But, what will happen if you try to hit the dog and the dog shows his teeth, his hind legs tightened, ready to pounce on you? You will walk away and say to yourself “This is not someone I should be messing up with!”. Then next time when you see that dog again, would you try to hit him? You wouldn’t. ( Ofcourse, unless you aren’t retarded).

Same is with the humans. You might want to argue dogs and humans are different and we can’t draw comparisons with them. Yes, they might physically and intellectually differ. But, the entire animal kingdom has one thing in common- fear.

Every new person (including your friends, co-workers and bosses)  you meet in your life will at some point try to test you. They will start small. The same way we first try to wave at dog as if you are going to hit him. That is the first step of inducing fear. That is the point when you have to retaliate. If you don’t, you are teaching the other person that it’s okay to push you around. This becomes a viscous cycle. Next time that person sees you, they are going to have little fun with you.

And with time you will have a reputation of being a person who never says no and accepts whatever is being imposed on him or her.

Start pushing back. When the person throws shit at you, take the same shit and stuff that into his or her mouth. At the same time you are setting up an example for other people to observe you. You are sending a message that they can’t bully you.

Retaliation doesn’t mean you show your teeth like a dog and pounce on them. It is setting up the standards in the start itself as to what is acceptable and what is not. When someone tries to make fun of you in the public place and you don’t like it, meet that person in one-to-one and tell him clearly that his behavior was unacceptable and it is not happening again. That person will try to justify that it was all in fun and friend, you stop him right there and repeat what you can’t accept.

Why getting married is no longer a big deal these days?

Marriage used to be a big deal years back. Once you get married you stayed together because there was societal pressure. You had to worry about protecting your parent’s so called prestige. That prestige mattered because no matter how much you find marriage dysfunctional, you stayed in because you wouldn’t be able to face the scoundrel relatives ready to back gossip  once you divorce. You had this fear of being exiled from community. And getting a beating from your drunk husband was less painful than the pain, society would inflict if you break bonds.

So marriage was a big deal. It was more like- yes now this is the person I am going to live throughout my life. There is no one else …which is kinda cute. But, yes it was more like- Even if he or she becomes a head ache I have no where to go. So better suck it up.

But, in today’s era where we have lost sense of something called society, where we all have become introverts not wanting to involve other people in our matter, marriage is nothing more than a play. Because the stigma attached to divorce is no longer there.So, just like you breakup, you divorce. Except that courts involves itself in divorce.

In few months you are free individual who will start dating again just like you used to do after a breakup.

Marriage is no longer something that it used to be. Marriage is more like a vacation you go on to, where you spend your years of hard earned money- prewedding shoots,food and clothes and something that fulfills your fantasies. And then from next day you are back to work.

Book Review – Game of Blogs

Six Degrees – Game of Blogs is a book that has a bizarre back story to it as the name sounds.  300 + bloggers participated in a blogging event called Game of Blogs conducted Blogadda. Characters of five people along with hints of description about the people were shared and bloggers were grouped into teams consisting of 8 – 10 members. Each team was asked to come up with a story. Three teams with three stories emerged as the winners of the event and the stories were released as a separate book.

The diversity of writing style and the different treatment to each  characters and the story line making it disparate from each other, reducing their complexity for the readers to understand is where this book stands high.

My review:

The Awakening:
In this part of the story the lives of the characters will change once they encounter strangers in their lives. And the responsibility they have to take to protect the earth from an invasion. I love Sci- Fi stories and this story has the intensity that it needs for a perfect ending and the mystery that surrounds makes the story interesting and you will be in awe about the turn around of events. It is a must read for all Sci-Fi lovers.

 

Entangled Lives:
The lives of the characters change now from the world of aliens to the lives of a common man, where the maid is murdered. But how and why is the question that the police and the investigators have to search for which keeps them in the hunt of the murderer without any direct evidence. How inspector Java solves the case is interesting. Keep looking for the clues.

 

Missing- A Journey Within:
Missing is a journey of awakening and a story where the characters unearth many mysteries and learn a lot about their lives with twists and turns. It is an ultimate turn around of events and lives of many.

 

The three stories are entangled and the characters do well to justify the story line. Six degrees- Game of Blogs is a must read book and you will find yourself completely immersed in the story.

About the Book:

Title : Six Degrees – Game of Blogs

Author :  Various

Publisher : Blogadda.com/Leadstart Publishing

Genre : Fiction

ISBN : 978-9352013890, 9352013891

Copy : Blogadda Review Copy

Rating : 4/5

This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

#QuakerBowl Indimeet experience

Who wakes up on Sunday so early? I woke up at 630 am to get ready for the QuakerBowl Indimeet at JW Mariott. The schedule plan for the meet didn’t seem much exciting. As I have been to such meets before, I was expecting it to be quite normal.

It was the usual agenda- Introduction, Meet and conversation with a celebrity chief ( which I assumed must be some Youtube Celebrity), lunch and go back home.

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But, Indiblogger never stops surprising us. I was totally taken aback when the celebrity chef turned out to be Vikas Khanna who is an international celebrity chef. Man ! I couldn’t take my eyes off that guy as he moved around conversing with all of the bloggers at the event. I cannot thank Indiblogger and QuakerBowl enough, for letting me meet such a successful personality.

Most Humble Guy I have seen

Most Humble Guy I have seen

Vikas Khanna is so down to earth and humble. I also aspire to be a person like him not only in terms of ambitions but, also in terms of serene personality that he radiates all along.

Finally a selfie with the chef

Finally a selfie with the chef

I could see girls ( and some guys too) going crazy for him . Why shouldn’t they? He was voted as the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ by a popular American Magazine. It was not only limited to his looks. It went beyond that.

We had fun games with Vikas Khanna as he became the host for various competitions like ‘Soup-shots’ where we had to blindfoldedly drink the soup like a tequila shot and write down it’s ingredients within 60 secs. Then he declared winners who received QuakerBowl hampers.

There was another round where we had food quiz which was also fun.

Thats my entire team !

The most fun part of all the was the cooking competition. We had our groups divided where we were assigned ingredients like oats, ice cream, chocolate syrup, dragon fruit, watermelon, oregano and lots more. My team consisted of bloggers with really interesting personalities. Vikrant, Ashish, Monica, Leena , Mohit and Hiral.

After we were done with the cooking :P

Our main aim was to create a spicy dish which Vikas Sir would love since, we assumed he would prefer that as he is a Punjabi. So, we landed up making a spicy (read, extremely spicy) dish as we couldn’t calculate the amount of ingredients that went into it. Too many cooks spoil the broth and that broth can also kill the person. We got scared when Vikas Sir started coughing and we wondered whether our team will get banned in the upcoming events.

The selfie and personal interactive session with Vikas Sir couldn’t stop. It was amazing how he handled and warmly welcomed everyone to have a click with him.

The foods ready!

The foods ready!

The meet ended with lunch where I met lot of friends from my past blogger meets. The lunch was superb as I munched on into a plethora of oats, paneer, chicken and mutton dishes. The deserts made sure we put a sweet full stop to our day.

We were handed over a nutritious Quaker Oats pack along with the recipe as a parting gift. Though the event was not about the gifts and food it was more about an experience which I will cherish for a real long time.

My team!

My team!

I am highly inspired by QuakerBowl event to include Oats into our diet as it is one of the most optimized nutritional food. It not only provides us with all the nutrition but keeps us healthy and energetic throughout the day.

#QuakerBowl

 

 

Why no one will ever have any solution to your misery

Knowing that no one will be able to solve your problem is the first way to solve your problem. No matter how much you speak about what you feel, they will never be able to tell you one because you can never completely explain what you feel.

You will always fall short of words. That’s human nature. The man could understand what happens in the universe to micro and macro level, but he never knows what happens with himself. That’s the flaw. No matter what you will never be able to express yourself completely.

They can lay the common ground rules for you , as a friend or family they can empathize with you, but intricately if you look, you feel discontent with their solution because the solution doesn’t click that much. It’s just a superficial sugar coating over the bitter problem. It’s a temporary fix.

Only we can understand ourselves completely. And if there is anyone who can get rid of the mental misery you are going through, it will be only you.

Read the columns in newspapers where people question the counselors. Read their answers. The answers they try to give are often black and white like hitting the problem with an axe. They become too logical. But, if your problem came from the heart. Its like water. How can you hit water with an axe? How can you expect intelligence to solve it? How can it be ‘Do this, Do that’ and then expect everything to be cool?

With such logical answers you can’t act like they recommend, because often the situations are grey. So you try to explain in more detail. And in the process of explaining in more detail as to  what your problem is, you often end up getting more confused as to what your actual problem was in the first place.

Psychiatrists, counselors and self-help books do give answer to your remedies. But, they might give you a boost, a little direction to think. But, stop expecting a certain answer. Not that they are insufficient in their experience or education. But, because you will never be able to tell completely what you are going through, they will never be able to tell the solution completely.

Only one thing is certain, you will end up losing a lot of fees in the process.

It’s kind of lonely to think that no one will be able to understand you completely. But, wait there is something good out of this. You stop expecting a cure from a person. You become self-reliable and you grow through it. You become emotionally independent. I have heard a nice phrase ‘The only way is through it’.

We are lonely people together. No matter what, there will be a boundary which will separate you from the other person no matter what relation you share with them. So, after a point it’s better to struggle within oneself than wandering all around looking for half-hearted cure. And, when you have internalized what actually worked for you against the storm, then maybe you will find it hard to explain to others how you did it. Because, half of the answer you find, you will never be able to express in words.

Top 5 FREE articles that changed my life forever

Often you come across the articles you read and they completely change your life. But, they dont find out a way into public because either blogs get lost amidst the internet noise or the authors are too lazy to promote them( My type).

Let me tell you these are not books, but free articles available on the web.

So, a small effort to uncover them as I don’t want to stay them hidden. I have listed the articles below. Although I would definitely recommend to read other articles on their website. They are interesting too, but, some words penetrate like glass in your heart. So, here’s the list:

  1. The subtle art of not giving a fuck – Mark Manson
  2. Money and happiness- Andrew Ahingston
  3. Never Put Profits First – Steve Pavlina
  4. In defense of being Average- Mark Manson
  5. You get angry only on those people who you take for granted – Amit Vele ( I boasted a little over here, but yes I read it myself again when I need a kick)

Top 5 blog posts

Forgetting your past ( Q & A with the reader )

How do you forget your past?

It’s impossible. They are called memories for a reason that they come back to you again and again. It is a part, something which you can’t rip apart from your head. In the end it all boils down to the thing that you have to live with it. You don’t have a choice.

Why is it that the past always consist of bitter memories? Most of the memories make me sad.

We happen to live with happy and sad moments equally. They both happen in proportion. But, our mind will always be less receptive to positive events. Negative events are like bitter lemon seeds in a tasteful biryani. Even if you happen to coincidently chew a couple of them, after your lunch you won’t recollect the spices in biryani. Instead, curse the lemon seeds and think how everything is ruined because of that.

Is that why when I think of past, the first thing that comes into my mind is hurtful memories then?

I told you about the biryani. It’s true.

Why so?

Because ,our mind is wired to sense even small amounts of negativity. Not only sense, it is etched heavily into our memories. That is how our ancestors survived. Nature is not concerned with what you want. It is more concerned about your survival.

You won’t remember the smell of flower you smelled in your childhood. Damn! You don’t even remember its color. You don’t even remember if you smelled it or not? But, remember the hot pan you touched accidently? Your brain can visualize it through all its senses once again.

Enough of science, so there is no solution it seems to forget our past…I think it’s hopeless even to think of one. Nature is a bitch.

I tell you, external Control is an illusion. We can’t control what happens with us. But, our response is perfectly within us. If you happen to play badminton, you know you can’t control what other plays but, you can decide your shots.

It’s true you got to live with your past. You can’t do anything about it. If you try not to think about it, you actually wind up thinking more about it. Just like you can’t come out of mud ditch struggling.

The best response is to forgive your-self first, then the other person. You made a mistake you feel you shouldn’t have but, then who doesn’t? Humans are made to err. Mistakes are ok as long as you learn.

I remember the first response who usually hurt me in the first place was to despise them, curse them like I hate eating ladyfingers. But, once I matured I understood it was useless. You can’t make people act the way you want. Smile back. It’s fine if you don’t want to love them again. But don’t hate them. Stay neutral.

And if they don’t respond fine! Remember you were doing all of this ‘forgiving thing’ for yourself. You feel a lot better irrespective of what their response it. Frankly speaking after forgiving them, myself and learning from the mistakes, IDGAF about their response! Neither I keep on analyzing “ Only if I had done this..”  You simply can’t go through life without making mistakes. And it’s absolutely impossible  So, forgive yourself for the way nature made you.

Try this, do this with an intention not to benefit others but, to benefit yourself first. Remember, moving on is as same as forgiving and letting go.

I am finding it hard to write these days

I consider writing to be one of my strong hold. Not in the literal way. But, the way I write I have observed I connect with the readers easily. Although, if I get my posts examined by my school teacher I bet I won’t score more than 6 marks because of informal way I write. There is no pre-decided structure or literary complexity to it.

I write as if I talk to you face-to-face and we have both journeyed deep into the well of each other’s soul. And as the conversation ends we both have a relief on our face. The kind of relaxation you feel when you don’t have to worry about what you are saying. Because, you know you won’t be judged.

However, lately I have been observing myself that I have been losing interest in writing and music all over. And I was mistaking this for a writer’s block or learning plateau for music. But, I have introspected enough to know it is not.

I am becoming more aggressive and rational. I have stopped being a slave to emotions. Infact now they don’t affect me at all. To sum it up it would be better to say I have become less sensitive. The very reason for it is not entirely my past but, I can see the femininity in me that bolstered my creativity slipping away gradually as if life is readying me for another phase in life.

Remember? If you are sensitive by nature then every moment of joy is like an orgasm, but pain is as if you are experiencing death every day. You are living on the extreme edges of your emotions when you are sensitive.

However, along with my decreased sensitivity, my creativity is being affected a lot.

Creativity is the feminine way. Femininity is about emotions. Survival is the masculine way. Masculinity is about rationality. And we have both of it in us no matter what gender we belong to.

The toughest challenge in our life will be to balance both. For me as of now I have inclined towards excess of masculinity. It took me longer to write this post though but, I am pushing so that I can revive it back 😀

The femininity in us all needs to be nurtured for it is a soft bed we sleep in when we all toil throughout the day in the masculine way.

I promise to come up with the articles soon. Until then I would ask, what are you going through now? Are you balancing both the genders inside you? Happiness will be when we are able to claim both the genders at the same time 🙂


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