Category Archives: Philosophy

How life has changed

It is difficult for me to fathom that I have reached a stage of life which I had never dreamt about in my childhood days. And the journey is definitely not inspiring.

My childhood days were spent daydreaming about saving the world from apocalypse or becoming someone very unique who was sent to this world to fulfill a purpose ( Some idea that I got from obsessively reading super hero comics or telecasts of low budget Indian superheroes).

Children are such fool to think that it is practical in real life. I remember in my primary school, once a teacher asked a student what he wants to become when he grows up. He said he wanted to be a spiderman. Teacher laughed so loud, but stopped immediately to realize that the entire class was silent. Silent, because we believed he could become one someday( May be we had lots of spiders in our science labs ). And since I called all of us fool but yet, we were happy. A fool can easily be happy. Wise people find it hard to sustain the feeling of happiness.

And as we grow up, we become wiser, where we all screw up.

Life today is no long the same it used to be. I told you. It is difficult for me to fathom that I have reached a stage of life which I had never dreamt about in my childhood days. And the journey is definitely not inspiring.

I have realized, we all are unique- just like others. How much important are you in this world? In this entire universe, you are just a speck who will die. And believe me, people forget you after your funeral. When they will go back to their own homes,they will think about you for 10 seconds, then forget. Because, they have their own life to look after. One day after, no one cares.

Life changes in a way that it puts you into existential crises. It destroys all your childhood illusions.You can’t do anything like a superhero except eat and poop like him. In the process of your beliefs getting destroyed, you try to hold on to it. Because, that had always given you an identity. And now, you have to face the final question- Who are you, why are you here and what are you doing?

We definitely don’t ever get these answers. But yes, it is sort of relieving to know that you have no responsibility to save the world. A lot of burden is uplifted because you can be comfortable in being imperfect. You can do what you like and not be worried about your purpose in life. Life definitely hasn’t become interesting. But, yes it has become more settling,more surrendering and more relaxing. Isn’t that what we always wanted? Peace of mind?

 

 

We are not afraid of the change,but the shock that happens during the change

It often happens that during the Holi festival you decide not to indulge in play of colors and water. So, you go underground scared by the people who are looking for you. But, you can’t hide for long. As they come closer with their faces covered in silver color and hands full of color, your heartbeat pumps up warning them not to dirt your clean clothes and bathed body.

But, who cares ? They first hit you with the balloon and color your entire face .Like a helpless child you struggle and then take time to ingest that. But, suddenly something happens. The people you hated a moment ago; now you start getting involved with them because you became just like them.

Isn’t it weird? When you were so clean you despised them and a moment later when you have become like them you don’t regret it. You, in-fact love this state so much that you in-fact start hunting people who aren’t playing Holi and drag them by force to make them like you.

We are not afraid of change of our state. But, we are afraid of shock that happens during change of state.

Remember? The water in swimming pool was so cold that you didn’t dare to jump inside it. You weren’t afraid of change. But, afraid of the shock that instantly spikes up your blood pressure and nerves once you jump into it. But, anyways you still did it. Once you take the conscious effort to do it, the change of state is enjoyable and you are glad it happened just as in case of people trying to color you.

Also, I have seen people wouldn’t want to dance when the music goes on. They are in the state of comfort not wanting to leave their present situation. But, you must have seen at least one shy person in every party who you drag and he did the best dance ever. Once he completely ingests the shock, he later hugs you and tell he was glad that he danced and not sit around the corner.

Why are we all so afraid of that momentary state of shock?

Its true- Sometimes we don’t know what makes us happy. Some external forces drag you into it and you are glad you did it. But, why you want to wait to forcefully drag someone into it? It doesn’t always happen. Take a leap and try to be cold hearted for the shock. Let it happen. Once the ice breaks, fun follows. No matter, we miss out so many things in our life because we choose to stay within our comforts.

How to be emotionally independent- Strategy # 5

Strategy 5 :  Know your self worth

Allow me to quote you a statement from my first post of this series

“ Emotional independence doesn’t come from being insensitive to the surroundings like a dumb rock. But, when outside events strike to unbalance your emotional stability, how much you can control your mind and bring it back on the track”

Having your own self-worth doesn’t mean being egoistic. Ego and self-worth has a thin line separating it. If Ego is a yellow flame, self worth is blue flame. Blue flame is more passive and indirect than ego. It is that border where defense and offense separates.

Why is self-worth so important? Because ,it saves you from suicide. It saves you from the fact that you don’t need validation from other people to know everything is right about you. Having self-worth helps you move on faster from a past relationship which you are unable to move on.

Through self-worth, self-confidence arises because now it’s not ok for anyone to mistreat you. Now you won’t be comparing yourself to the people from higher or lower authority. You realize you are unique and that your journey is way different from what they are pursuing.

So, would having self worth help you in anyway achieve emotional independence? And if so, how?

Self-improvement:

Consistently, improve yourself, physically and mentally. Do exercises- weightlifting, crossfit or yoga whatever suits you. Loose your body fat and eat clean. Avoid junk foods. It is difficult at first. Later, after one month of persistent will, you won’t find junk food any attractive.

Besides career, invest in learning musical instrument or a language. Keep focusing on yourself and never leave this lifestyle. When you learn something new, it is hard but it stays with you forever.

The reason, why I insist on self-improvement is because you will be less desperate to people and more involved in yourself keeping yourself busy. Emotions are imbalanced when they are more invested in others than you. Less desperation amounts to high self-worth. Be that person because people come and go, you stay with you till the grave.

Learning to walk away when people mistreat you:

No. Don’t fall into the trap of convincing people too much. Explain yourself once or at the maximum twice and if the person doesn’t listen just walk away. It was never about explanation. It was about trust. And now it is more about valuing yourself above everything. You are modest enough to explain but, not submissive enough to become a toilet rug.

You decide your own worth. You don’t come for a price of a condom. Know this.

But, let not ego cross your mind. Ego will provoke you  to take revenge against the person, but, its not worth even a second of your life.

Chatting with someone? Know the volley ball rule. For every message they sent you, send a reply. And if your message doesn’t get replied to… wait. Don’t go on shooting long messages. If no response then leave. Don’t type anything further.

emotionally independent

Kills strong villian. Can’t control his emotions though

Everyone is replaceable except parents.

Have abundance mentality. Yes, except parents everyone is irreplaceable. Yes, sometimes life replaces your friends, boyfriends, partners. Sometimes life makes it happen and sometimes you do. And we are always fine and equally enjoying with the new one after the grieving process.

When someone leaves, grieve behind the doors. And then know this simple truth of life “Everyone is replaceable.” Think about it, anyone would have done the same thing had they been in their place.

But, doesn’t mean you take them for granted either. Learn to appreciate those fellows who are always there for you. We only take those people for granted who are easily available to us. But, when they decide to leave you, know that new people, new experiences are waiting to happen in your life. Shedding old skin is always painful for a snake, but the change fills him with new life. Don’t  fight a losing battle against the nature’s law of change. Change is a way of survival. Don’t be that snake carrying the baggage of old skin everywhere.

Never compare. Know that you are unique:

That’s the thing about ego. Ego says you are superior to everyone. It is disrespectful. Self-worth says- you are neither above nor below and everyone deserves respect.

When you have self-worth and someone humiliates trying to move you down, you will be least affected because now you know ladder in life has always been a myth and the person who lowers you down needs to see a psychiatrist. Every experience or state in your life is neither worse or good. Its different.

Just because someone holds a higher authority when you approach them don’t look down like a beggar all shit scared.

Because these people will admire you more if you respect them with confidence rather than go like a hunching zombie. Don’t massage their ego. But, let them know you respect them. That keeps your self-worth.


When you know your value you deny to disrespect yourself. And self-worth is about respecting everyone including your self. Emotions will always swing away and lose control once you have determined your fate as a low valued animal.

So , next time your emotional balance tips off , let the blue flame surround your body. Don’t let the yellow flame, because there is always collateral damage with it. In the process of burning others you will burn yourself too. Don’t harden yourself when you come across pain. Losing sensitivity is losing life… more like moving in life like a stoned zombie. Instead aim for emotional independency.

 

If you have missed the earlier posts of this series, here are the links :

How to be emotionally independent- Introduction
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #1
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #2
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #3
How to be emotionally independent- Strategy #4

 

I find night more beautiful than the day

I personify everything. I see them not through the lens of materialism but, as beings unable to communicate with us.

Day and night are two persons for me. I have really good friendship with the day but, I know I am deeply in love with the night. The night has its own seductiveness, it’s own charm that I hardly see in the day. Day is masculine and the night…feminine.

Day gives me hope. It pushes me away from itself. It says “Go get your ass working. You have to fight for creating your own identity.” Night is distinct. Even if you struggle it will take you inside it. It will comfort you. You will have no other option but, to cave in just as son moves his tired head on to his mother’s lap. The night says “Relax, Nothing is under control. We are all dogs tied to the pole. Don’t think you control everything. We can go only far as long as the rope is.”

The brain is utmost relating to the knowledge from the past during the day. It becomes arithmetic, calculative and extremely rational. During night, imagination takes it’s place. Then we don’t want to believe that fairies, ghosts and werewolves aren’t real. Nothing can amplify your imagination as beautiful as it happens, when you keep staring deep into the dark.

You can bond with people better during night than the day. I don’t remember having nostalgia much from the day experiences. But, spend couple of hours with your friends or your date at night and you will be having a hangover throughout the next day. Nothing bonds people more beautiful than night does.

Every day I am protective… hard on outside, and impenetrable by manipulative people. During night I become vulnerable. Catch your friend or love for company and you will dive into the deepest parts of each other without realizing it. Night always makes you conceive that  every person has two people staying inside the same body.

During the day, life feels limited. The space we live in physically and mentally, feels so restricted that we just want to escape this congestion. Our ego is always at the forefront. Our breath seems shallow. During the night as you stare in the sky embedded with light jewels, we realize we are a part of grand design. Now, the entire ego is lost. But, we love this state. Sometimes we wonder why do we want to identify ourselves when we are invisible in face of universe?

You can’t decorate the day. But, You can decorate the night with lights, fireworks, with fireflies, with lamps of fire and dissolve yourself into the infinite infinity of silence where you realize you are not who you are. That  “Who am I?” was always a wrong question… a question which doesn’t have rational answer but, you know the answer. You live it.

Because, you just uncover what you had always known, that you are here forever even after you leave your physical body.

Life moves in circles

I always thought life to be linear in nature. It feels as if we are travelling from one place to another. But, if we closely look we aren’t travelling in life. We are actually moving in circles.

If you consider the transition of childhood to teenage to adulthood to old age you will think its moving ahead in life but, if you are associating your emotions to it, it is not.

In the initial stage you want that thing and that becomes your starting point. How are your emotions at this point? You are living in the fantasy world that your life will be much much better once you own that material or a person.  That becomes your starting point of the circle.

Then you start your journey to attain it. You work hard, manipulate people around you and push your limits to attain that point. And you finally do it, your hard work pays off and you manage to own that car or attract your crush you have been waiting for. This becomes the ultimate high of your journey.

Once you attain it- whatever it might be you go back to the square one. You feel the void inside you again. Your belief that everything will be fine once you get that person or thing crumbles upon. After all your partner nags you, fights with you and kills your freedom. You always thought once you get the car you will be happy forever. But, now it feels the car is just another possession.

Once you start the journey, you think after hundreds of days you will reach somewhere distant and you think you have progressed. But, you are journeying on earth. The earth is circular and hence, you come back to the same place from where you started.

You do this umpteen times and think consistently that what has happened to the ultimate fantasized dream you always thought of where everything is just perfect and you have worked hard for it. But, in the end void comes back even when you have everything you only dreamt of ten years back.

This is the circle of life. You start from point A and don’t move towards point B as we think, but, we return back to point A after a time.

Click on image to enlarge
Circle of life

Circle of life 

I suffer from such kind of existential crises meaning  that you don’t understand what is the meaning of life. Why are you living when, what you all are doing is moving in circles? You are simply not going anywhere.

This doesn’t only apply to the poor or middle class. Ask the super-rich men they suffer from the same thing. The feeling which when we start things, journey and return back to same point feeling empty doesn’t only apply to the poor but, also to the rich. And if we look from age perspective at every point of age you confront such kind of question in your life.

You might think the rich are happier than you. Its not. And I am not saying this because I am not rich. But, I have seen their problems, enquired about them. And believe me the emotional intensity of this circular path of life remains same for every person on the earth as long as you are not a monk and you decide to give up on everything.

Monks know this and hence, given up this life of circles. They prefer meditating in solitude. But, I feel at some point in their life they might also be going through circles. After all enlightenment is also another goal for them.

Ask a married person how his emotional intensity varied throughout and you will notice a circle. Ask a person who is extremely successful. They all go back to the same state after they have attained it.

Lesson learnt is we have no-where to go in life. Doesn’t mean we practice monk-state. But, to understand how stupid this life is. And in the process how much do we sacrifice for the thing that we might be ultimately happy tomorrow.

To understand, that the present is the ultimate happiness. Success is a good evolutionary strategy but, a bad happiness strategy. Success gives you pleasure just like drugs. And pleasure isn’t eternal. Happiness remains a choice, always.

Then on the death bed you will notice life was entirely a circle itself. Because you just came from the dust, you lived the entire circle and now you return back to the starting point- the dust itself.

Experiences from the diary of solo traveller

Note: I carry a journal when I travel solo and write down in my journal whenever I feel connected with myself. These are few words from the pages of my journal.

I often wonder who will remember me after I die. I start to count on my fingers and I thought  I will have to use my toes too. But, my fingers are still more than enough to accommodate the people I know who will seriously, recollect my name and ponder on the memories I shared with them.

But, they too have a life which will end soon and soon my identity will be perished forever.

They say the truth will set you free, but first it will make you suffer. And it did make me miserable at a certain point in my life to know the bitter truth, that I will be forgotten soon. The things I ploy with all my strength only to seek validity from the society doesn’t make sense at all. The decisions I take in my life only to please others amplifies the incompleteness within me.

Of course it’s a great value to live for others. But, unless you don’t know how to live for yourself, how can you decide for others. If you can’t contribute to your own experiences and become the driver of your own life, you are a mere weakling trying fill that void inside you. Infact, if you don’t help yourself first before helping others, you are more likely to damage the people you will help.

The more I travel solo the more I realize my identity is not at all important. The yes’s and no’s from other people around me make no sense. So, I have more importantly learnt to be deaf to any judgment. Although I didn’t say I am insensitive to it, I do ponder over it. But, in the end I do things which I feel are perfect for me.

Then when I have made a decision I don’t look back. Because,no decision is perfect for you. You can think and then take a decision. Perfect decision comes from the confidence and faith and not from the certainty. Because to tell anything is certain in future is a mistake.

As long as decision is concerned, you can’t overthink. Because overthinking is a synonym for mental confusion I believe.

Everyone rows their own boat. Some might say now I have a “I don’t care” attitude. Its not. Just because you start living for yourself doesn’t label you as a reckless personality. In the first instance in fact I was a reckless one where I was de-prioritizing my needs.

The fact about being a nice guy is that when you do something for others they won’t notice even a bit about you. The moment you take that attitude inwards and stop being a nice guy for others you wonder why the people around you have started calling you all sorts of names. These are the times when you know that to count the real people in your life you don’t need your toes.

Think about hundred years from now. You will be lost just like any other ant or a forest animal dies. The amount of ego you carry doesn’t serve you but, mostly serves others. Ego is not bad but it’s a wind you need to redirect so that the sail moves in the direction of your choice.

What then comes? Nothing. You die and perish forever just like your neighbor’s dog.

Understand the power of this. Know that you already existed. But, you came into this world through your parents. That was itself a gift. Sometimes even people who care for us don’t know what is right or wrong. Good intentions from their side are not enough to make sure your life goes fulfilled.

When someone asks me how they can go solo travelling, they expect me to tell travel tips all over the place of world. I just tell them that they are already travelling solo in this life. Just that we live under false assumptions that all the people around us are going to be with us forever. However lovely they might be, they will either drop away from your life or perish back to the earth.That was the second truth that set me free.

Being solo traveler is not a tag or a profession. It’s default state we already are in. Together, yet alone. And when you learn to sink in this bitter truth new doors of love, freedom and happiness open up which we thought never existed.

 

We all want to pass through life without experiencing pain

In happy moments you celebrate. Your relationships are going good. You smile. Your friends are close to you. And we all carry a feeling of certainty in our life. But, only when the life strikes unexpectedly that you realize it isn’t what we live with every day.

The sudden death of my brother comes to me as the biggest realization of my life. He was 22 year old having the same aspirations we carry around. And the day before he expired he was in the same state of mind, you and I are now.

So, what makes the chances any less that same could happen to you tomorrow? Isn’t it scary?

Life is really really difficult to understand. Because the truth you are ultimately trying to search through science or other means like philosophy, can never be reached. Because ,life itself is a paradox.

I have searched for the truth for a decade almost. But, I have never reached to a theory or confirmation that “Yes! This is all”. I thought decade must have been less time. So, I discussed with the senior men who were in their sixties who had tried to find out the truth their way.

And in the end, their thoughts do confirm with what Einstein said “The more you know the more you don’t know”. The person who is in search of truth won’t find the truth may be. But, in the process they acquire a fragrance of humility and humbleness. They are still searching for the truth but, the fact is that unlike an arrogant teen who has concrete beliefs, you will see them with arms wide open across the corner of the cliff.

They are all open to anything that falls in their lap. They also know whatever falls in their lap is not certain. Because, that is what has been happening throughout their life.

Innumerable questions immediately arise if this life is so uncertain. If we can’t understand this life how are we going to survive without knowing the truth? Doesn’t it cross your mind that you work every day, run behind goals, eat, reproduce without knowing the fact why are you doing all of this? Where are we all going anyways?

So, stop for a moment. Let your mind settle down like dust settles on the road as the truck passes by and ask yourself if there is any necessity of asking anything?

The fact that today could be your last day. The fact is, anything bad always comes to you as a shock when you are not prepared. Isn’t it true? Then it’s difficult to sink in. It feels like you are on the corner of cliff with life behind you trusting it. And then that life pushes you off the cliff. The values you always treasured are broken.

The only thing about us today is that we have become too much calculative in life. Even when we love we are calculating ‘returns on investment’.

When we marry we practice hypergamy. We marry someone who is wealthy and well settled and we look what benefits do I have? Is marriage some government financial policy? And the fact that ‘whether he or she loves us or not?’ remains a secondary criteria.

The courage you will have in your life will only decide the quality of your life. Calculating if you should be in relationship or not? Take a jump. You can calculate only upto a certain point . Because, the people who are over calculative find their place in mental hospitals. So you jump or you don’t.

We all want to pass through the life without experiencing pain. But, the fact that when you choose happiness, you also choose pain. They go hand in hand. And in the process of escaping this misery people become more and more materialistic not knowing that they are just changing their forms of misery.

Poor ones have their own insecurities and the rich ones have their own. So, I have to break you the bad news that misery is going to leave you when you are dead. It is just going to change it’s form. But, you have to be dead for not experiencing misery. But, then you can’t experience happiness either.

The world is not a bitter or a sweet place, it is both. When I see countless young people unexpectedly losing their life, why should I be an exception? And why should you be?

Just as we kill an ant going it’s way without reason. In the hands of fate we are too an ant. Sometimes events in our life don’t make sense.

So, go out. Tell that girl or boy if you love her or him. Forgive your friends who you fought with. Hug your mother and father because for a long time you haven’t. And start doing things which you always wanted to do.

And when you start living life in such a way- all filled with love you will undergo a sudden realization one day that really you don’t at all need to ask “what is this life about?” You will suddenly know that instead of becoming a philosopher who sits in the corner of the room and thinks about what is life, you become a ‘living being’ instead who lives and constantly feels life through all his senses.

Does Life have a purpose?

Often we think as to if there is any purpose to the life? You must have come to this place just to seek the answer. And I am not going to refer you to some religious books. That just shuts any door available for any questioning.

Because the religious books have a notorious way of saying ‘This is This. That is the end of story. No questions asked. You just have to believe.’ I remember in my childhood when I used to approach the elders with such questions they would just answer “Everyone is made for a purpose. ” But, the question always remained “Did they have any proof?”

A belief can give us courage only if it is backed by certainty and truth. What if everyone who is saying- I have a purpose, are just living under false assumptions themselves? Because there was never proof to whatever they were saying. It was just a statement suspended in air.

In my case I had to find my own answers else it would have been a case of blind following a blind. So, I entered this well, searching for the truth from internet and people whoever I met. In the end I had to think for myself.

For a moment lets accept there is purpose.  But,  If I ask ‘Is there is purpose for that purpose?’ I can continue asking in the same way but, it all boiled to the thing that ‘We are not built for any purpose’. Just like rest of the living beings on this planet thrive, we human beings aren’t different. The question that ‘Is there is a purpose? annihilates the question itself.’

The question was itself meaningless. Just like asking ‘What is the square root of a tomato?’

But, if I ask you “Imagine one life living with a purpose and the other life living without purpose?” Which life, if you lived will make you feel fulfilled?

Living a life without purpose had me moving like a sheep and goats in the field. So, I placed a purpose in my life. The things have changed. The intensity with which I lived increased a hundred times with a purpose in my life. The day when I wake up is far more exciting when I have a purpose.

Without purpose you procrastinate, sleep and eat more .The level of confidence and self-esteem slips down faster. Your eyes and body look like an old man.

See a person with a purpose. His eyes have fire in them. They move so swiftly and it is always feels to be good around such people. They often belong to class of active personalities.

Life is simply neutral. It didn’t come with predefined instructions. It is customizable. So, how do you plan to live your life to get the maximum out of it?

 


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