I don’t know to whom I should talk this to, but I have messaged you in the hope I will get some solution for this. Recently, I got ditched by a girl with whom I was in a relationship for three years. Now, I just don’t feel like doing anything. I am dancer and a sports player. But, I have given up all of it and prefer sitting alone in the corner of dark room with tears. I have been tore apart. And the main thing is I feel suicidal now. I fear someday I won’t be able to control this temptation to kill myself. It has been almost one month I am yet to recover. It feels I will never recover. Help please 🙁
-Adam (name changed)
I empathize with you. Because, I have been through that many a times. But if you ask me if I survived it? See ! that it why I am writing you this. In fact, I find it how foolish and stupid I would have been to slash my wrist or hang myself from the ceiling floor, with the camping rope I bought in my childhood.
The instinct to push you to the suicidal point comes mostly because of the low self-worth. Since, we are a social animal our conscience is consistently looking for appreciation and validation from the other humans.
When we are consistently ignored or made to feel that we don’t affect anyone’s life, it cripples you from inside. It feels like your heart vessels will burst away. But, what if I ask you to imagine another self, sitting in front of you and talking with you. Would he support your impulse to kill yourself because of the frustrations you are meddling in now?
Believe me the other you, sitting in front of you knows what is right. So, split your personality and follow what he is saying.
In relationships it mostly happens that when your partner dumps you for another person or whatever reason you don’t blame him or her. In fact you start questioning your own worth. Your confidence in yourself is destroyed and thereby, the value too. You don’t even think if it’s her fault too.
In such emotionally destructed state of mind you soil your own esteem to get the other person back. You promise him or her that you will change. You beg him or her to come back. But, it doesn’t work that way.
Trust me in future when you will have moved on, you will really wonder what an ass-clown you were back then.
But,what I am emphasizing is to know your self-worth. This is the only thing that can save from killing yourself in such cases. If the other person mistreats you, you should have the guts to walk away. And you have nothing to lose because it is that person’s loss to lose a loving personality like you.
Know that there are more than a billion women and men on earth ( that’s enough to keep you dating for a hundred lives). But, still your shitty heart will say “No damn! That person who left me is most perfect !” C’mon give me a break ! If he or she were so perfect everyone in the world would be chasing him or her.
Because when you fall in love, you find even a pig beautiful. And believe me if you loved him long enough you will marry that pig. Because,love doesn’t rationalize. It acts. And in fact I don’t oppose that. Because ,things which are poetic and not arithmetic are beautiful.
But, put your self-worth first. And don’t mistake it for ego. Because, ego is acidic. Self-worth is dilute. But, it brings you slowly out of the pain pit you fallen into. Ego provokes revenge against the person who broke you. But, don’t waste time on that. It’s not worth.
And still after hearing all of this you still want to hang yourself. Fine. But, before that, do something I am asking you to, now. You have nothing to loose.
Go out of your home. Help that beggar with a coin. Help an old man cross the road. Plant a tree. Play with the orphans. Hug your friend. Look that their faces. And then decide if killing yourself is really all worth in the end.
Because your self-worth is not determined by what you have, but by how much you give.
Don’t devalue yourself because of stupid things in your life. Neither, allow anyone to determine your value. If you can’t know your own value who will? Be a man of options. If they stay, then it’s best , else next. In case of career, love and any other stupid thing you hold as scarce in this world.
When you act impulsively out of anger you have always regretted it later, haven’t you? So what makes it any different in case of a career failure or heart breakup . Just wait, have a little patience. Counsel with the other you, sitting in front of you. Decisions taken by heart don’t know patience. But, you have to let the dust settle. Then only can you see what is clearly right.
You wont imagine the magnitude of depression your parents will go through. Your friends and siblings will also feel the same.
Isn’t that hurtful? You do affect a lot of lives. Decisions taken by heart don’t know patience. So wait a little. If not for hours, may be a couple of days. That patience will be worth in the end. And, you may ( infact you will)slap yourself to know as to how a stupid ass you were back then.