Why getting married is no longer a big deal these days?

Marriage used to be a big deal years back. Once you get married you stayed together because there was societal pressure. You had to worry about protecting your parent’s so called prestige. That prestige mattered because no matter how much you find marriage dysfunctional, you stayed in because you wouldn’t be able to face the scoundrel relatives ready to back gossip  once you divorce. You had this fear of being exiled from community. And getting a beating from your drunk husband was less painful than the pain, society would inflict if you break bonds.

So marriage was a big deal. It was more like- yes now this is the person I am going to live throughout my life. There is no one else …which is kinda cute. But, yes it was more like- Even if he or she becomes a head ache I have no where to go. So better suck it up.

But, in today’s era where we have lost sense of something called society, where we all have become introverts not wanting to involve other people in our matter, marriage is nothing more than a play. Because the stigma attached to divorce is no longer there.So, just like you breakup, you divorce. Except that courts involves itself in divorce.

In few months you are free individual who will start dating again just like you used to do after a breakup.

Marriage is no longer something that it used to be. Marriage is more like a vacation you go on to, where you spend your years of hard earned money- prewedding shoots,food and clothes and something that fulfills your fantasies. And then from next day you are back to work.

The worst thing that can happen to you.

Helplessness. When undesirable things happen in front of your eyes and you just can’t do anything about it. The event wrecks your heart out and kills you from within. When you feel you were in control of your life and you suddenly slip off. Just like you are about to fall from the slippery floor and you are in the air. You wave your hands. Your eyes open up with scare as to what will happen next and you do every thing you can to help yourself. But, you just can’t. The fall is inevitable. You are going to fall.

Helplessness kills. Its like loosing your control over everything…even yourself. You just can’t do anything about it. You share your deepest fears to the person close to you. But, that person doesn’t acknowledge.And they go out of the way to do it even if means killing your soul. You want to control that person, yet you don’t want to control . Because you believe in freedom. But, you also believe in the thought that the other person will take care of what hurts you and what won’t. But, the person doesn’t care anyways.

And when those things happen, you gloom down like a bright flower dying with each of it’s petal falling away in a depressing evening . You just can’t do anything about it. You surrender, you wither. You shouldn’t have given yourself completely to that person, you say to yourself. And as your soul breathes last moments of death as it is slowly ripped apart, you can’t do anything about it. Just watch yourself helplessly.

Vulnerability

The shell of an oyster is hard. The organism inside is physically fragile. So it keeps the shell tightly closed all the time. But, if the shell opens up, the organism exposes itself. With it’s shell closed, nothing can kill it. But, now anything can kill it. It becomes vulnerable.

We all are psychologically like oysters. Hardened, always on defensive and detached from outcome. But, once in a while you become vulnerable. You come out of the shell – may be for that friend, may be for that special one, for your parents. Because, what joy is there with the shell closed away for everyone?

You let others drive you emotionally.I find it to be superficial when people tell you, you are responsible for your own happiness. No. People to whom we are vulnerable, are responsible for our happiness. But, there is a danger. These people can also drive you mad.

Love is vulnerable. If it is not, then it is not love. Because love follows vulnerability. And people taking advantage of this vulnerability are often described as betrayers and cheaters. They possess the power to make you uncomfortable. And once it happens, you lock down your shell forever. You refuse to come out. Because, emotional wounds don’t heal.

But, even after being hurt there is a sense of content , that you loved fully. Not because you understood the other person, but you understood yourself. The person you love is like a mirror.The more vulnerable you become, the more clearer you can look yourself in the mirror.

We can never see our body completely without mirror.But, what about your soul? The physical mirror doesn’t reflect it. You can only see it, once you become vulnerable. Once you start loving completely and become fully vulnerable, it is only at that point you become that person and that person becomes you. They look for themselves in you and you look for yourself in them. And once that happens, once two circles overlap, you attain ultimate bliss. you have fully accepted the gift of God. The gift of vulnerability.

 

I am just 24 and I have already started to feel like I am 50.

It has been a long time since I wrote anything. Its almost that I have become invisible. Not only to my readers. But, also to me. Believe me, even I didn’t know where I had gone.

People say- Go with the flow. That is what I have been doing. Working hard at the job, coming home late, sleeping and then the other day- repeat.In the process, I forgot who I was. A musician, a writer, fitness-freak and a traveler.

And I realized its not that I have lost myself.Its that I had stopped doing things that made me- myself.

I am just 24 and I have already started to feel like I am 50. How could this all change within few months?

Today I ran 3 Kms after a long time. I was struggling to take a breath. I was running like an old man. But, my breath regulated after a few meters and I started feeling young again. I started feeling who I was. I came home and the first thing I did was sing and play guitar. Then I wrote this article. Now I feel completely with myself.

How stupid it is for us to get lost ourselves in our daily routines. The time never slows and we get caught up like mice made to run on treadmill in laboratories. The jobs will always be there. But, I have learnt to never forget the actual things that make you up and make you feel young. People become old not because they age, but because they stop doing things that make them young.

Why you can never love yourself.

You need people to validate you; you need people to tell they love you. You want them to touch you and assure you that they are going to keep it like this forever. Its a bitter truth. Because, you can’t survive on self-love.

No matter how much we talk of self-love its all superficial. You go to movies alone. You buy yourself an expensive coffee and think that it’s self-love. Then, you update it on facebook that you are doing this all alone and that living solo is best.

You add hastags like #self_love #solo #fun. This in itself is a indicator that you can’t live without telling people. You want them to hear you out like a girl who thinks she is independent but, deep inside she needs constant pampering.

The current Internet culture stresses too much on self-love which I don’t think is a bad thing. It is good that we take care of our health, we look good, learn guitar. But, it is also true that we feel accomplished once people admire our improvement. In short, if self love is a car, then people’s love is the fuel. You love yourself more when people love you.

We are social animals by instinct. Nature forces us to stay with other people. Because, in groups we have greater chances of survival. And if we isolate ourselves, nature punishes us with depression and psychological traumas. That’s why self-love can never over power the confidence that you gain when people validate you.

It’s okay to treat yourself once in a while. We need our own space too, which is also a part of self-love. But, we can’t continue doing it forever. Look deep inside.Deep down inside. Your mind knows you can’t live alone.

 

Why people guilt trap you and what to do about it

I have realised the most difficult people in this world to deal with are those ,who will guilt trap you into doing things. ‘Guilt’, like nuclear weapon is the most horrible and destructive social weapon people use to manipulate you.

People will put on you an emotional pressure to do things which fulfills their need and not yours. These people can include anyone – from your family members pushing you into marriage OR relatives who guilt you for wearing skimpy clothes OR that stranger who asks you to buy insurance policy so that he could feed his children OR your ex-boyfriend threatening to suicide if you don’t reconcile.

Why people do it? It’s easy . Can be used anywhere and on anyone. The results are also quick.

I remember many a times it happened that a person wanted me to do something I didn’t wish. Yet I would do it anyway because he or she had tears in their eyes making me feel guilty of something. In the long run I have always regretted it.

Then one day I decided to sort these things out once and for all. I learnt few simple truths so I could finally deal with such confrontations.

It’s my RIGHT to put my needs first.

I wonder why do we always feel we are not entitled to do something that makes us happy. If I take a decision and that makes other despise me…well ! I don’t care. I just keep doing things which makes me happy.

I am not a bad person if I think about my needs first.

Good and bad are relative terms. People always have this unsteady judgement about a person everyday. If they criticize someone today, the next day they will appreciate the same person.External validation is an unstable foundation upon which we can build our life on. The only stable foundation is yourself.

Then why bother what people talk about you? You are mature enough to judge your own actions, then why let other’s judge you when they are not even 1 % aware of the life’s journey you are going through. The way people judge you tells a lot about them and not you.

If I put myself first, it will make me a better person and eventually it will help others

If a person is drowning and I don’t know how to swim I shouldn’t enter the river to help him. So, before you save others first save yourself. And if you help someone in such a weak position you will infact harm that person.

If you need to give away money instead of spending that on education, I would say ‘Be selfish’. Tomorrow if you become a doctor you will be able to help more number of people in your life then you would have back then.

Whenever I have to say ‘NO’ I feel bitter for that moment. Just like an injection pricks when you are ill. But, in the long run you feel better. It is not their mistake if they guilt you into something, it is your own mistake you couldn’t say ‘NO’ to such advances.

Book Review – Game of Blogs

Six Degrees – Game of Blogs is a book that has a bizarre back story to it as the name sounds.  300 + bloggers participated in a blogging event called Game of Blogs conducted Blogadda. Characters of five people along with hints of description about the people were shared and bloggers were grouped into teams consisting of 8 – 10 members. Each team was asked to come up with a story. Three teams with three stories emerged as the winners of the event and the stories were released as a separate book.

The diversity of writing style and the different treatment to each  characters and the story line making it disparate from each other, reducing their complexity for the readers to understand is where this book stands high.

My review:

The Awakening:
In this part of the story the lives of the characters will change once they encounter strangers in their lives. And the responsibility they have to take to protect the earth from an invasion. I love Sci- Fi stories and this story has the intensity that it needs for a perfect ending and the mystery that surrounds makes the story interesting and you will be in awe about the turn around of events. It is a must read for all Sci-Fi lovers.

 

Entangled Lives:
The lives of the characters change now from the world of aliens to the lives of a common man, where the maid is murdered. But how and why is the question that the police and the investigators have to search for which keeps them in the hunt of the murderer without any direct evidence. How inspector Java solves the case is interesting. Keep looking for the clues.

 

Missing- A Journey Within:
Missing is a journey of awakening and a story where the characters unearth many mysteries and learn a lot about their lives with twists and turns. It is an ultimate turn around of events and lives of many.

 

The three stories are entangled and the characters do well to justify the story line. Six degrees- Game of Blogs is a must read book and you will find yourself completely immersed in the story.

About the Book:

Title : Six Degrees – Game of Blogs

Author :  Various

Publisher : Blogadda.com/Leadstart Publishing

Genre : Fiction

ISBN : 978-9352013890, 9352013891

Copy : Blogadda Review Copy

Rating : 4/5

This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

Discipline versus Motivation and why Motivation is useless

Remember the last time you got angry? How long could you sustain that feeling of being angry? No matter people call you the angriest person on the planet, you will go back to your normal state.

Just like anger, motivation is also a feeling.

Observe yourself when you watch an inspirational movie. Observe that feeling you get, those goosebumps that you feel all over your limbs. It is as if a strong spirit possessed you.

When that feeling enters your body it makes you feel powerful and invincible. You feel as if you can take down any goal in front of you. But, its all momentary.

Its like a rush you get after getting drugged. You feel all god and all better but, when the rush subsides you fall back to normal or sometimes even making you feel worse than before.

Discipline is an action arising from your mind that cuts through all this emotional bullshit. If you have a goal of loosing weight you wake up at 6 in the morning and go to the gym .No.matter.what.Just show up. Even if you are having fever or cramped stomach go to the gym, do light exercises and come back.

Though the workout might not be amazing everytime, it is important that you show up at the gym everyday.

Wanting to start full dieting can demoralise you. Instead, in the first month start with only avoiding anything that has sugar. Then the next month stop eating junk food.

If you have decided to go to the gym just because you watched an inspirational video, believe me, the feeling subsides and you fall back into your old pattern of lazying around. And I don’t need to tell you that. You know it.

With time, the things will seem easy because you are making up a habit for you. When you wake up you brush your teeth without thinking. Heck! You don’t even need to put efforts. You don’t say you don’t feel like brushing today. Exercising will become something of the same.

Just as you can’t remain happy by indulging into a series of high by doing the drugs the entire day. You can’t attain goal by depending on a fleeting feeling.

Discipline can be induced in you by eating small part at a time. If you watch a movie and decide to be millionaire tomorrow, its impractical.

If today you earn 20,000 bucks aim for 21,000 bucks which is pretty easy goal for you, rather than planning to earn 50,000 instantly. Then you can plan for 23,ooo and so on. If you are planning to go to gym start with small. Go only for ten mins but, regularly. Slowly, building habits become easier and you fall into a consistent pattern of doing it effortlessly just like brushing teeth.

Don’t start it today. Start it now. Don’t think about how you will reach that goal- maybe it’s losing weight, becoming rich or anything. Instead think-what habits are needed to reach that goal and start working towards it.

 


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